Mental health: it’s ok to talk.

I’ve had a rough stretch; I think it’s fairly common, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I get stuck in my own head a lot, and I’m often my own worst critic. It usually revolves around home life- not being a good enough husband or father, but can drift into other aspects of life too.

I saw this earlier today while I was waiting for a drs. appointment with my son; it made me chuckle to myself at first, but then simmered with me for a minute, and hit me pretty hard.

It’s ok to not be ok.

Johnny Quest said:

I’ve had a rough stretch; I think it’s fairly common, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I get stuck in my own head a lot, and I’m often my own worst critic. It usually revolves around home life- not being a good enough husband or father, but can drift into other aspects of life too.

I saw this earlier today while I was waiting for a drs. appointment with my son; it made me chuckle to myself at first, but then simmered with me for a minute, and hit me pretty hard.

It’s ok to not be ok.

View attachment 155324

Click to expand...

I don’t think you should worry so much about being a good father. From what I see, you’re well into the high quality category. 👍

xj_nate said:

I agree with frequency of reaching out to friends/family being more important than quality for most people. I am emotionally needy and like to hear from people. When I’m having a bad day and a friend texts me something- however random it may be, it makes me feel good that somebody wants to text me. Mental health is weird.

Click to expand...

Good thing you are harassed around these parts

Trate D said:

I’ve know him for most of my adult life. And I am asking myself all these same questions right now…. I knew he was struggling but seemed like he was pulling out of it. We shared stuff daily with a group through IG and he’s always having a good laugh. I am sorry for your loss, it’s just now I am realizing his riding in badass Jeep story’s must have been with you.

Click to expand...

Yeah! He loved our rig, he was my phone a friend when I needed a quick someone to bounce ideas off, and he built our transmission when we did the LS swap.

I knew it was possible someone on here knew him since he was a gearhead. If you end up attending his services (no date yet), introduce yourself, this is me and the little dude I’ll be chasing around

benjy said:

Yeah! He loved our rig, he was my phone a friend when I needed a quick someone to bounce ideas off, and he built our transmission when we did the LS swap.

I knew it was possible someone on here knew him since he was a gearhead. If you end up attending his services (no date yet), introduce yourself, this is me and the little dude I’ll be chasing around
View attachment 155331

Click to expand...

Will do.

I am sorry to hear this @benjy. What a tragedy.

I'm generally a pretty happy dude, glad to have any water in my cup type of person.
But
Man I'm having a rough minute here. Feeling trapped working from home with 3 boys: 8 and under. It makes it hard to get anything meaningful done, and for someone like me who defines their self worth with physical accomplishments... This is tough. I don't quite get the same thrill from potty training regression cleanup as building something or selling something. Or even having some semblance of control over my own life schedule. Living for the weekend is like an endless migraine lately.
Anyone in the same ⛵?
Help talk me out of this mess inside my skull.

Come over and hang out if you have a minute.

Gravy said:

I'm generally a pretty happy dude, glad to have any water in my cup type of person.
But
Man I'm having a rough minute here. Feeling trapped working from home with 3 boys: 8 and under. It makes it hard to get anything meaningful done, and for someone like me who defines their self worth with physical accomplishments... This is tough. I don't quite get the same thrill from potty training regression cleanup as building something or selling something. Or even having some semblance of control over my own life schedule. Living for the weekend is like an endless migraine lately.
Anyone in the same ⛵?
Help talk me out of this mess inside my skull.

Click to expand...

Yeah. Going on 15 years of juggling work at home/kids needs/wife needs/noise. It's a rough situation, imo. It turns a 5-6 hour report into 12 or more most days. Add in RME and YouTube, it's an easy 16 hours.
My situation is still different from yours, because I get to yell at the wife and kids to shut up, and close a door.

In your situation of having a sugar mamma the basic male/female roles are reversed, and for men, I think it takes a real toll on mind and body. You are a great dad, but I think the male brain needs actual accomplishment in a day, and is not satisfied with just keeping the kids alive.

My work is VERY slow right now, and I am still not getting anything done. I realized a few days ago that I am also in a mind funk. I have started a list of things that I need to get done (register the trailer, fix the flat bike tire, etc). Even though they are simple and not pressing needs, it still gives me some enjoyment to check them off the list. Sort of creating a problem I get to solve, therefore making me productive..

jeeper said:

I have started a list of things that I need to get done (register the trailer, fix the flat bike tire, etc). Even though they are simple and not pressing needs,

Click to expand...

This is huge for me. We have a whiteboard on the fridge and when I catch myself in a rut and not getting things done, I start a list of chores for myself on it. I can't walk by the fridge without seeing it and yelling at myself, so I have to get started on them in self defense. Seeing them crossed off puts me in a much better mental place, and it helps my mood that my family sees me crossing them off too.

Not that any of this helps the Gravedigger right now. I'm sorry you're in a funk, man. You're a good guy and you deserve a better mood. Can you get the spouse to take a mental health day tomorrow and let you out of the house for a minute? Go spend some money you really shouldn't be spending, retail therapy is always a winner.

Kevin B. said:

Go spend some money you really shouldn't be spending, retail therapy is always a winner.

Click to expand...

A neighbor lady once posted "I don't know if I should buy my feelings or eat them today". I got a kick out of it.

With uninspiring work I feel the same much of the time. When most weeks I do nothing worth note other than rack up the YouTube plays.

Honestly wood turning has been huge for me in this regard. I'm sure in much the same way those easy wins are for @jeeper . I can rough out a bowl in 30 ish minutes. Just that feeling of accomplishment and seeing that I turned this into that in one session has been huge on my mental health.

I bailed on work at 11 on Friday and went home and chainsawed through a truck bed of wood to prep for bowls. I knew I had a long weekend but also knew I wasn't going to get really any additional "me" time even with the extra day off.

Do you have family close that could help wrangle the the youngest while the others are in school? That'd give a few hours at least to work on something interesting or stimulating.

Is there anyone in your ward or neighborhood that does in home daycare? See if they could take your little one for a day a week. We've got a sweet set up for our 2 year old with a lady in WJ. She charges $30 a day and we take Sam there usually between 8 am and 4 pm twice a week. Sam has so much fun playing with the couple other kids she watches. And playing with the cats.

Stratton, I feel like you’re the most productive dude I’ve ever met! I have always admired your wide array of knowledge and skill sets. Look back at how many posts you have on here, giving good advise or showing how to repair things.

You may find life to be mundane right now, but you are far from average! It’s just hard to be a high performer every day especially when you can’t have it ought control of the schedule.

Those kids don’t understand how much your sacrificing for them right now, but they will when it matters most.

Gravy said:

I'm generally a pretty happy dude, glad to have any water in my cup type of person.
But
Man I'm having a rough minute here. Feeling trapped working from home with 3 boys: 8 and under. It makes it hard to get anything meaningful done, and for someone like me who defines their self worth with physical accomplishments... This is tough. I don't quite get the same thrill from potty training regression cleanup as building something or selling something. Or even having some semblance of control over my own life schedule. Living for the weekend is like an endless migraine lately.
Anyone in the same ⛵?
Help talk me out of this mess inside my skull.

Click to expand...

Different ocean but the same boat. Since I took this job as a superintendent I feel owned Monday through Friday. Even hard to let it go on the weekends sometimes. I just haven’t wanted to do any projects, or much of anything for that matter. It takes its toll. Dirt skoots seems to be the only relief as of late and I don’t get to do that much either.

One thing I will say about your kids at this age is I can promise you will miss this stage of life when they are out of it. Before you know it they will be teenagers and think you are clueless. They will argue with you over the most trivial of things. Each stage has its ups and its downs but I sure miss being Jonah’s hero when he was 2-9 years old. Lol

You’re a good dad Strat. Take pride in that

ChestonScout said:

Different ocean but the same boat. Since I took this job as a superintendent I feel owned Monday through Friday. Even hard to let it go on the weekends sometimes. I just haven’t wanted to do any projects, or much of anything for that matter. It takes its toll. Dirt skoots seems to be the only relief as of late and I don’t get to do that much either.

One thing I will say about your kids at this age is I can promise you will miss this stage of life when they are out of it. Before you know it they will be teenagers and think you are clueless. They will argue with you over the most trivial of things. Each stage has its ups and its downs but I sure miss being Jonah’s hero when he was 2-9 years old. Lol

You’re a good dad Strat. Take pride in that

Click to expand...

This ☝️ 100%. This time spent around your young kids is priceless. It’s the most important investment you’ll ever make.

That being said, a weekend trip or even a day trip with dudes doing dude stuff can be a great reset, especially in winter.

Thanks for the kind words and advice guys. I guess happiness is practiced just like any other skill.
I think I'll talk with my wife and make sure I get some time to myself every day. Maybe in the shop or on a bike. Something outside might help.

Gravy said:

Thanks for the kind words and advice guys. I guess happiness is practiced just like any other skill.
I think I'll talk with my wife and make sure I get some time to myself every day. Maybe in the shop or on a bike. Something outside might help.

Click to expand...

I definitely need time outside year round. I have started to recognize my mood changes when I have been cooped up too much from work/family/laziness. If I don't get 30+ min a week of outside time, it affects me. It doesn't seem like much, but even the once a week hike ive been trying to get really helps my mental state.

Not too far of a drive to Southern X

On the above questions of what/how to ask, I think in general people are reluctant to share their struggles. There are those exceptions when a close enough relationship exists that someone is will to share without promptings.

But more often than not people will answer with "I am fine" and "no, don't need anything" regardless of what is really going on-whether this is physical or emotional issues.

Asking direct questions if we have a true concern may be needed as can also asking those around them what they see.