Anti jokes

[Kevin B.]

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?

Farmer: Which one, the black one or the brown one?

I: The black one.

F: About a gallon a day.

I: And the brown one?

F: About a gallon.

I: I see. And what do you give them to eat?

F: Which one?

I: The black one.

F: It eats grass and hay.

I: And the other one?

F: Grass and hay.

I: How old are they?

F: Which one?

I: The black one.

F: It's three years old.

I: And the brown one?

F: It's three years old.

I: Why do you keep asking which one when they're both the same?

F: Well, the black one is mine.

I: Whose is the brown one?

F: That's mine too.

 

[Kevin B.]

It's a slow night and the bartender is cleaning his bar when a limo pulls up outside. A man in expensive clothes gets out and walks into the bar, a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm. The bartender can't help noticing however that the man has an orange for a head.

The customer sits down at the bar and orders a round of drinks for everyone. He peels off hundreds from a roll of bills in his pocket and asks the bartender to keep the change. In ten minutes every woman in the bar is gathered around him and laughing at his stories and jokes, and this goes on for a couple hours with the man buying several more rounds of drinks.

"Excuse me", the bartender finally says during a lull in conversation, "I can't help but notice that you're clearly very wealthy and quite attractive to women, but... you have an orange for a head. What's that about?"

So the man told the bartender his story. "A while back, I was flat broke, jobless and homeless with no friends in the world. I was walking along a railroad track and thinking about jumping in front of the next train when I saw an old lamp sticking out of the dirt. I picked up it and tried to clean the dirt off and out popped a genie. He told me that he'd been trapped in that lamp for centuries and told me I could have three wishes."

"For my first wish I wished for an unlimited fortune, all the money I could ever need. The genie said 'Done!' and from that moment on, whenever I've needed money, I just reach into my pocket and it's there."

"For my second wish I wished for the attention of the most beautiful women in the world. The genie said "Done!" and ever since I've always been able to get any woman I wanted."

"For my third wish, and this is the part where I kind of screwed up, I asked for an orange for a head."

 

[jeeper]

I should not have laughed at these. But I did.