Lame Joke Thread
- Thread starter mesha
- Start date
- Location
- West Jordan
hahahahaha!
clfrnacwby
Recovery Addict
- Location
- NV
This guy comes home to find his wife backing a suit case.
'What are you doing?' He asked.
'I just learned that I can make $200 in Vegas for doing what I do for you for free' she replied.
As he started to pack a bag she asked him 'what are you doing?' He responded, 'I'm coming with you. I'd like to see how you can live of off $200 a year!'
'What are you doing?' He asked.
'I just learned that I can make $200 in Vegas for doing what I do for you for free' she replied.
As he started to pack a bag she asked him 'what are you doing?' He responded, 'I'm coming with you. I'd like to see how you can live of off $200 a year!'
BlueWolfFab
Running Behind
- Location
- Eagle Mountain
I still remember the last thing my father said before he kicked the bucket....
He said, "how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
____________________________
What did the Pirate say on his 80th birthday?
"Aye Matey"
____________________________
What's the stupidest animal in the Jungle?
The polar bear.
____________________________
How Long is a Chinese name.
____________________________
A toothless termite walked into a bar and asked,
"Is the bar tender here?"
____________________________
Two mice chewing on a film roll.
One says, "I think the book was better."
____________________________
A farmer in the field with his cows had 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
____________________________
What was more important than the invention of the first telephone?
The 2nd one.
____________________________
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you're a poo!
____________________________
And the Lord said to John, "Come forth, and you will receive eternal life."
But John came 5th and won a toaster.
____________________________
Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many are left?
A: 499
Q: What are the 3 steps to put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A: Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.
Q: What are the 4 steps to put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A: Open refrigerator, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close refrigerator.
Q: The animals in the kingdom are throwing a birthday party, all animals come except one, who?
A: The giraffe, he's stuck in the refrigerator.
Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river, there is no bridge and the only way is to swim. She does, and makes it safely, why?
A: All the alligators are at the birthday party.
Q: Sally gets to the other side and still dies, how?
A: A brick hits her in the head.
He said, "how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
____________________________
What did the Pirate say on his 80th birthday?
"Aye Matey"
____________________________
What's the stupidest animal in the Jungle?
The polar bear.
____________________________
How Long is a Chinese name.
____________________________
A toothless termite walked into a bar and asked,
"Is the bar tender here?"
____________________________
Two mice chewing on a film roll.
One says, "I think the book was better."
____________________________
A farmer in the field with his cows had 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
____________________________
What was more important than the invention of the first telephone?
The 2nd one.
____________________________
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you're a poo!
____________________________
And the Lord said to John, "Come forth, and you will receive eternal life."
But John came 5th and won a toaster.
____________________________
Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many are left?
A: 499
Q: What are the 3 steps to put an elephant in a refrigerator?
A: Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.
Q: What are the 4 steps to put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A: Open refrigerator, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close refrigerator.
Q: The animals in the kingdom are throwing a birthday party, all animals come except one, who?
A: The giraffe, he's stuck in the refrigerator.
Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river, there is no bridge and the only way is to swim. She does, and makes it safely, why?
A: All the alligators are at the birthday party.
Q: Sally gets to the other side and still dies, how?
A: A brick hits her in the head.
BlueWolfFab
Running Behind
- Location
- Eagle Mountain
I got bored this morning and linked all my watches together and made a belt .... I guess you could say it was a waist of time.
- Location
- Stinkwater
Get out.
BlueWolfFab
Running Behind
- Location
- Eagle Mountain
Therapist: So why do you want a separation?
wife: I'm tired of all the Star Wars puns.
Husband: divorce is strong with this one.
____________________________
Construction experts standing in a row explaining how to build hotels, giving inn formation information in formation.
____________________________
What's a chiropractors busiest day?
Throwback Thursday
wife: I'm tired of all the Star Wars puns.
Husband: divorce is strong with this one.
____________________________
Construction experts standing in a row explaining how to build hotels, giving inn formation information in formation.
____________________________
What's a chiropractors busiest day?
Throwback Thursday
- Location
- Stinkwater
My son asks me what I get if I cross a handgrenade with a dog? A bomberanian, of course.
I'm pretty sure that one caused me physical pain.
I'm pretty sure that one caused me physical pain.
TJDukit
I.Y.A.A.Y.A.S.
- Location
- Clearfield
What's a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer?
Comet
Comet
BlueWolfFab
Running Behind
- Location
- Eagle Mountain
I started working as a porn writer, but it's harder than I expected...
There's just so many holes in the plot.
_____________________
I've always admired fishermen....
Now those are reel men.
_____________________
The cops got called to a pre-school when one of the children wouldn't lay down for nap time.
When the police arrived, they charged the child with resisting a rest.
_____________________
Did you hear about the scarecrow that got an award?
Turns out he was outstanding in his field.
_____________________
I used to search for shellfish at the beach.
Until one day, when I pulled a mussel.
_____________________
Did you hear about the missionaries that visited the cannibal tribe?
The cannibals got their first taste of religion.
Bah-dum-tiss
There's just so many holes in the plot.
_____________________
I've always admired fishermen....
Now those are reel men.
_____________________
The cops got called to a pre-school when one of the children wouldn't lay down for nap time.
When the police arrived, they charged the child with resisting a rest.
_____________________
Did you hear about the scarecrow that got an award?
Turns out he was outstanding in his field.
_____________________
I used to search for shellfish at the beach.
Until one day, when I pulled a mussel.
_____________________
Did you hear about the missionaries that visited the cannibal tribe?
The cannibals got their first taste of religion.
Bah-dum-tiss
smartass_kid
Well-Known Member
- Location
- Cottonwood Heights, UT
we were eating with some older friends of ours last thursday while football was playing on TV in restaurant. Friend asked who was playing and her husband didn't miss a beat, minnesota vik-queens.
funnier to me than it should of been
funnier to me than it should of been
TurboMinivan
Still plays with cars
- Location
- Lehi, UT
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.
"Put 'em back...it's a waste of money," demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther, the woman picks up a $20 jar of facial cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my facial cream...it makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
"So does 24 cans of Miller Lite," he says, "and it's half the price...."
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.
"Put 'em back...it's a waste of money," demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther, the woman picks up a $20 jar of facial cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my facial cream...it makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
"So does 24 cans of Miller Lite," he says, "and it's half the price...."