Phone monitoring app?

[jeeper]

I've been very hesitant to start a thread about this.. but it's heavy on my brain and I know there are much smarter folks than myself on here.

I'd like to be a little more aware of what my kids see and do on their phones. What do you guys use to monitor them?

I've looked into the Bark app, and it is getting my vote for now.

How do you decide how to draw the line between freedom and privacy vs. protection and control?

 

[johngottfredson]

I don’t have the internet on my kids phones. They have it enough at school and the home computer. They have organizational and school apps, photos, music. The end. It’s a phone.

 

[J-mobzz]

A phone has become a completely personal and private thing more so than a journal or diary ever was when I was a kid.

No I’m not saying that you don’t have the right or that you should not be monitoring what your kids are doing on phones. but I would suggest you think about whether or not you want to do it in secret.
I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting your kids know that they’re being monitored.

But I do know that if you violate somebody’s trust by invading their personal space secretly that can burn a bridge that can’t be built again sometimes.

 

[jeeper]

A phone has become a completely personal and private thing more so than a journal or diary ever was when I was a kid.

No I’m not saying that you don’t have the right or that you should not be monitoring what your kids are doing on phones. but I would suggest you think about whether or not you want to do it in secret.
I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting your kids know that they’re being monitored.

But I do know that if you violate somebody’s trust by invading their personal space secretly that can burn a bridge that can’t be built again sometimes.

For sure not in secret. We are very open and clear that as parents, we have the rights to look at anything we want.

 

[J-mobzz]

With iPhones it’s pretty simple to set it up so they can’t delete messages. They have to ask permission to download apps they can’t delete browsing history or open private browser’s.. it doesn’t give you the ability to remotely track what they’re doing, but it gives you the ability to look at their phone and know they haven’t deleted anything. And I take my kids phones at 10 o’clock on school nights. So I normally go through them a couple times a week and see who they been messaging and what’s being said what they’re looking at on the Internet in YouTube. And we usually have a conversation about it because they’re teenagers.

 

[J-mobzz]

But with this method, you need to be careful about other messaging apps like my kids use discord for gaming with friends, so I’m a part of all of their discord channels so I can read all the group chats and messages.

I guess I’m just saying no matter what you do there’s going to be apps to get around it, so we just do our best, right?

 

[1969honda]

My wife is the main monitor on devices where I am absent so much. She really likes the Bark app currently, I know she's used a few others in the past but has said that one is the most well rounded with controls, alerts and so forth. I like that it can send us an alert to something without the kids knowing we've been alerted, but will also allow us to completely lock them out of things we feel they don't need to be exposed to.

 

[nnnnnate]

I am very protective of my sons. Thankfully they are still young enough (2 and 7) that we haven't needed to deal with electronic interdiction yet. The family across the street gave their kids Gabb phones. No group messaging. No picture messages. No internet. No apps. Its a phone, thats it. I do think its important to build trust between parents and kids and ensure they understand how and why they have those devices. My parents did something similar with cars. They bought cars that we, as kids, could use. They weren't guaranteed and we couldn't do whatever we wanted with them. I believe that we'll do something similar when its time for my kids to have phones.

 

[Tonkaman]

I don’t have the internet on my kids phones. They have it enough at school and the home computer. They have organizational and school apps, photos, music. The end. It’s a phone.

Good idea in theory. How do you know they don’t cruise the internet from WiFi? Also what are you doing to monitor everything else? PC, gaming consoles, iPods, tablets, etc?

A phone has become a completely personal and private thing more so than a journal or diary ever was when I was a kid.

No I’m not saying that you don’t have the right or that you should not be monitoring what your kids are doing on phones. but I would suggest you think about whether or not you want to do it in secret.
I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting your kids know that they’re being monitored.

But I do know that if you violate somebody’s trust by invading their personal space secretly that can burn a bridge that can’t be built again sometimes.

Very well said. There is a level of responsibility yo keep our kids trust without letting them run right into the fire.

I like the bark app because it was specifically made with privacy in mind. It keeps me from monitoring every last thing in the phone and only flags content, words, photos, etc of concerning content. With that information I can dig deeper where necessary, but my kid knows I’m attempting to respect her boundaries.

With iPhones it’s pretty simple to set it up so they can’t delete messages. They have to ask permission to download apps they can’t delete browsing history or open private browser’s.. it doesn’t give you the ability to remotely track what they’re doing, but it gives you the ability to look at their phone and know they haven’t deleted anything. And I take my kids phones at 10 o’clock on school nights. So I normally go through them a couple times a week and see who they been messaging and what’s being said what they’re looking at on the Internet in YouTube. And we usually have a conversation about it because they’re teenagers.

I thought I was doing a great job with all the iPhone controls. I was WRONG 😑

 

[Gravy]

Doing your best IS being a good father.

 

[johngottfredson]

Good idea in theory. How do you know they don’t cruise the internet from WiFi? Also what are you doing to monitor everything else? PC, gaming consoles, iPods, tablets, etc?

My kids don’t have other devices, just the phones. We turn off wifi each summer so kids play outside rather than watching Disney plus, etc. We have one family computer in the kitchen that has some safe search guards, but mostly it’s the other 6 people in the house that discourage wrongful use.

I have set the phones to not have an internet browser, and I’ve turned off their access to the App Store so they can’t download another one. They don’t have social media (like their dad) Plus, I’ve set the devices to not have access between 10 pm and 6 am, and we have the kids charge them overnight in our room.

Can’t prevent everything, but bored kids with access to internet full time will result in the obvious problems, so we keep them busy elsewhere.

We’ve set their expectations for a more unplugged life since they were little, so they don’t have a problem with it. They even complain about their friends tech obsessions. I honestly don’t understand why parents rush out to give their kids all the technology that’s out there, when common sense and every study indicates it’s not such a great thing for developing minds. Just say no from the get go and save everyone a bunch of problems 🤷‍♂️

 

[N-Smooth]

We got our boys (9 and 7) Gabb watches since moving to our new place they are always out and about with their friends. It’s been nice to be able to get ahold of them when it’s time to come home rather than texting all the parents in the neighborhood. I like how limited the watches are. I dread when they’re old enough for phones. My coworker just got his 9 year old an iphone and I can’t even imagine.

 

[Tonkaman]

My kids don’t have other devices, just the phones. We turn off wifi each summer so kids play outside rather than watching Disney plus, etc. We have one family computer in the kitchen that has some safe search guards, but mostly it’s the other 6 people in the house that discourage wrongful use.

I have set the phones to not have an internet browser, and I’ve turned off their access to the App Store so they can’t download another one. They don’t have social media (like their dad) Plus, I’ve set the devices to not have access between 10 pm and 6 am, and we have the kids charge them overnight in our room.

Can’t prevent everything, but bored kids with access to internet full time will result in the obvious problems, so we keep them busy elsewhere.

We’ve set their expectations for a more unplugged life since they were little, so they don’t have a problem with it. They even complain about their friends tech obsessions. I honestly don’t understand why parents rush out to give their kids all the technology that’s out there, when common sense and every study indicates it’s not such a great thing for developing minds. Just say no from the get go and save everyone a bunch of problems 🤷‍♂️

Sounds like you’ve got a great handle on things. 👍

 

[Tonkaman]

There’s so many good arguments for/against having access to technology.

All I know is that Hindsight is going to kick half of us in the butt.

 

[johngottfredson]

All I know is that Hindsight is going to kick half of us in the butt.

The history of parenting in one sentence

 

[glockman]

If you think you can monitor everything a kid does, you are mistaken. Just like prisoners, they can find a way to navigate whatever roadblocks you setup while you are busy working to feed, cloth and shelter them. They have time and the teen hive mind on their side.

There is a mountain of evidence that kids need privacy and unsupervised time to become self sufficient adults. I'm not saying you just give them all the keys to all the tech and set them free. You have to constantly communicate what your expectations are and occasionally check up on them. I tried going through texts when my oldest boys were teenagers. Good luck navigating 10k texts a month. Oh, just use key word searches you say, well kids have code words for the stuff they aren't supposed to be associated with. I found out about most things they got away with once they were married and let me in on things they were clever about.

Being present and involved is WAY more important than monitoring their every move. Motivate them not to violate your trust because they know you love them and they don't want to let you down because they love you back. That worked pretty well for me. I'm 4 for 4 with adult kids who are emotionally healthy, self sufficient and productive members of our family and society.