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walmart is a wonder

James K

James K

NO, I'm always like this
Location
Taylorsville, Ut
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Sam behind him,
"My
elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Sam replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
sample
and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a
doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @
Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began
wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his
wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits
ten
dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
 
Hickey

Hickey

Burn-barrel enthusiast
Supporting Member
Location
Grantsville, Utah
A Wal-Mart store that sells husbands has just opened
in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go to choose a
husband from among many men. Among the instructions
at the entrance, is a description of how the store
operates.
There are only 6 floors. It states that the
attributes of the men increase as the shopper
ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch....
As you open the door to any floor you may choose any
man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you
cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Wal-Mart Husband Store to
find a husband......
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep
going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand
it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and
have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth
floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists
solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping Wal-Mart's Husband Store.

:hickey:
 
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