Mental health: it’s ok to talk.

Kevin B. said:
I was perilously close to ragequitting my current job to drive chips for Frito Lay. @TRD270 talked me out of it, and I should probably buy him a beer or something for that.
Click to expand...
We had a driver come through onboarding this week who drives for Frito Lay in Phoenix. Frito is trying to move to driverless trucks down there and he’s been told that his job will be eliminated within the next year. They keep pushing back their transition date and paying their drivers a retention bonus to stay until “the end”.

Every bad rumor you’ve ever heard about Walmart is 100% true about Frito Lay. Everything. They will keep pushing their own drivers out the door until they realize that the driverless truck idea just isn’t scalable and isn’t efficient. It requires a company to completely tailor their entire logistics infrastructure to make the program work, and it doesn’t remove the need for a human driver. Walmart has one driverless truck in Bentonville that travels a very set route and schedule. That one truck requires the full attention of 2 drivers and 3 techs to constantly monitor it. That truck also creates a lot of traffic congestion.
 
SoopaHick said:
I feel stuck. Most specifically in my career. It is reeking havoc on my "self worth."

I have been at my current job for just over 5 years. It came with a great step up in pay and amazing benefits. But also, being education and .gov funded, came with some negatives that I didn't realize until the last couple years. Negatives like promotions being almost non-existent unless somebody quits or dies. Like your raises being completely decided by how much budget increase the government decided on that year. And the big one that has just killed my drive and love for my job the last couple years, the education system forcing changes that only hinder student growth and cost everyone more money, while adding triple the responsibility on me with no compensation. On top of this I have 2 other part time jobs, that I actually enjoy way more but have no chance of being a full time thing, costing me tons of time from home just to somewhat get close to what I want to achieve for my family.

So what, find a new job... and there comes the "stuck" part.
I've spent the last 6 months applying for several jobs that I either qualify for or feel I could catch onto pretty quick. 3 of which actually put me through the interview process and were giving positive signs towards working out and giving me a decent enough pay raise to give up my amazing benefits so I could move my career forward. 1 of those even had a few of my friends working there that were pushing hard for me so we could run the QC department together.

All 3 of the ones I had multiple interviews with then proceeded to ghost me. Then after weeks, and in one case months, of me reaching out they finally tell me they weren't interested or decided to go a different route.

Then I find the golden job that I fit all the criteria for, get a phone interview, and then get an email telling me they went with someone else. Then the next day post the same job again but for a lower pay scale that I'm not willing to accept.

All this has thrown me down a rabbit hole of "Imposter Syndrome." Not only that but recognizing that, at least around here, I'm missing key experience to have an equivalent job in other companies that I do now. To get that experience I'd either have to take a severe pay cut, which is in no way possible for my family right now, or pay 10's of thousands in online and in person trainings that most of the industry doesn't give two craps about anyways.

I understand very much that I'm into the GRIND part of life and I'm trying to put my head down and work towards a more relaxed future. But my main job, my career making job, feels like I've ran into a solid wall. I loathe walking into the building every morning. I have become way more blunt with students from being sick of hearing the same damn questions 10 times a day for 5 years. And honestly I've become quite lazy at it.... There is no point to excel. There is no reason to work my butt off because the school doesn't care. They won't fire me because it's hard as hell to replace me. But they also won't give me any kind of "pat on the back for a job well done" because it wasn't part of the legislature's budget.

I'm just super frustrated and disheartened today after seeing another "No" from a job application.

I would really like to reign back my side jobs and have a life again.
Click to expand...

I went through something similar in 2021. Actually, I went through what you're describing from 2019-2021. I started the best job I've ever had in 2011, with a .gov water district. I loved the work I was doing and the people I worked with. I worked there on and off for a couple of years as a contractor before getting hired, and I knew the guys pretty well. When they opened up a job some of the crew thought I was crazy to want to work there and I asked them why I shouldn't. Their response was that the place was crazy but it took years to really understand it. They were right, but for the first 5 years or so all the good things about the job made it a non issue for me (most days). Then the company started making some changes that made it worse and worse. By 2019 I still loved the work and I loved my team members, but I hated going to work. It was seriously affecting my mental health. But the "golden handcuffs" are a real thing. On paper I would have been crazy to quit. The pay was good, the work and team were awesome, the benefits unmatched and the retirement unattainable in the private sector. On top of that I was feeling crushed by the growth of Utah County. I seriously considered starting over in a lineman apprenticeship program, which would have taken 4-5 years. The only thing that stopped me from going that route was the amount of travel required during the apprenticeship. I couldn't give up time with my kids when they were just entering their teenage years, but I determined that if I could go back I would have done it right when I got married. Since that time had passed my wife and I ultimately decided that even though on paper that job was awesome, the intangibles (mental health) were worth giving up some of that good stuff.

So I started the job search. The last time I had actually looked for a job was around '07. I had changed jobs several times since then, but they had all been word of mouth stuff. So I signed up for all the sites like linked in, career builder, zip recruiter, indeed, etc. I was getting daily emails from all those sites and kept applying to the jobs I liked. Most I never heard back from. Some I got an interview, most of those ended as soon as the salary came up (why TF does every company refuse to post a pay scale in a job listing???!?!?). After many months of this (which as I am sure you know, once you actively start trying to find a new job, the hatred for your current job only goes up), the right job finally popped up. The only problem was, it would put us 11-12 hours away from family vs the 1-2 we were. We had been planning on moving, but not anywhere near that far. Ultimately we decided to do it. Took a 15% pay cut, probably another 30% cut in benefits and the cost of living went up quite a bit. The first few months were hard, mostly due to moving to a place we had never even seen before moving day and didn't even know existed before applying for the job. We lived in our camp trailer for a while, which had it's own set of challenges. And even with all that, I have no regrets. Even though this company has a lot of the same issues my last company did (I am no longer .gov, but I am with a large electric utility), I came into it prepared and with the right expectations. It also helps that it didn't start off as the most amazing job and deteriorate from there while I was working it. It's a job and I enjoy the work I do, but at the end of the day I clock out and go home to my family, which is really where I want to be.

The search sucks. And it's hard to give up the comfort of the .gov job. But it's a soul sucking comfort. Especially for a driven, motivated person. I've seen the comfortable .gov jobs destroy quite a few good employees. Be willing to make the sacrifices needed to get into a better place. Might be pay, might be hours/time away from home (IMO, as long as this is a means to an end and not a permanent thing-if you have to get some certs, go back to school, go through an apprenticeship, etc. Something that is a temporary sacrifice for a better tomorrow. It will only get harder to do as the kids (and you) get older). Maybe it requires a move, maybe it will be taking a risk. But I know one thing. If you hate your job no (realistic) amount of time off, extra pay, comfort, etc. can make up for that. You don't have to love your job, but hating it makes all the rest of life oppressive and miserable. Don't give up looking, spread the net. Word of mouth is WAY more effective than any job board at getting through the doors.
 
Corban_White said:
.... I came into it prepared and with the right expectations. It also helps that it didn't start off as the most amazing job and deteriorate from there while I was working it. It's a job and I enjoy the work I do, but at the end of the day I clock out and go home to my family, which is really where I want to be.

The search sucks. And it's hard to give up the comfort of the .gov job. But it's a soul sucking comfort. Especially for a driven, motivated person. I've seen the comfortable .gov jobs destroy quite a few good employees. Be willing to make the sacrifices needed to get into a better place. Might be pay, might be hours/time away from home (IMO, as long as this is a means to an end and not a permanent thing-if you have to get some certs, go back to school, go through an apprenticeship, etc. Something that is a temporary sacrifice for a better tomorrow. It will only get harder to do as the kids (and you) get older). Maybe it requires a move, maybe it will be taking a risk. But I know one thing. If you hate your job no (realistic) amount of time off, extra pay, comfort, etc. can make up for that. You don't have to love your job, but hating it makes all the rest of life oppressive and miserable. Don't give up looking, spread the net. Word of mouth is WAY more effective than any job board at getting through the doors.
Click to expand...


I'm in the same thought line as you re: it being a job. I work and clock out. Sometimes work is just that, work. Sometimes it has it's rewards but it's still work. You can't HATE what you do but it's ok if it's work. I work in IT support and people seem to think I sit in front of a computer ALL day and ALL night waiting for their call. That's been my challenge is just doing the work from 8-12 hours per day.

Everyone will need to find their balance. It's different for everyone. I took a work from home job in early June 2024. It's been QUITE the adjustment. Some good adjustments and some bad. I have a good balance so far. A little more travel than I expected and not to places I would choose to go but things are fine. I'm adjusting to a totally new industry, work from home, and leveraging skills that aren't my strongest in my tool box. Some of my strongest skills are mute in this gig. That does continue to give me pause.
 
Hickey said:
We had a driver come through onboarding this week who drives for Frito Lay in Phoenix. Frito is trying to move to driverless trucks down there and he’s been told that his job will be eliminated within the next year. They keep pushing back their transition date and paying their drivers a retention bonus to stay until “the end”.

Every bad rumor you’ve ever heard about Walmart is 100% true about Frito Lay. Everything. They will keep pushing their own drivers out the door until they realize that the driverless truck idea just isn’t scalable and isn’t efficient. It requires a company to completely tailor their entire logistics infrastructure to make the program work, and it doesn’t remove the need for a human driver. Walmart has one driverless truck in Bentonville that travels a very set route and schedule. That one truck requires the full attention of 2 drivers and 3 techs to constantly monitor it. That truck also creates a lot of traffic congestion.
Click to expand...
It's getting off topic, but once driverless tech matures I think it's going to be great for long haul stuff, in semis or passenger cars. I think it's got some time to go before it can be trusted in surface street traffic.
 
Stagnation is a real thing and it causes people to lose motivation and burn out. I've been on the same floor since 2001. I have changed roles slightly about a dozen times. Each time has reset me and allowed me to learn and grow. I'm 9 years into my current role and about 3 years of little change. It makes it difficult and I start to nit pick things. One thing I have found to be consistent is that you can get a bad attitude no matter what. Looking at other jobs and the challenges they offer has helped me reset my expectations several times and allowed me to find satisfaction where I am. I spent my formative years working at UVU and saw the challenges that a steady low paying job creates. The people I knew there that did the best were doing just like you and had a side gig.

I will say, this is backed up with a ton of data, happiness does not scale with pay. Making enough to be ok is critical but more just makes most people miserable. If you need a challenge to be engaged in your work and satisfied with your job, you can create that challenge better than any external force. If you are a human being, you will feel like you should be monetarily rewarded for that extra effort but you won't be and that isn't a job/company/industry rule, it is almost universal unless you are self employed and that comes with a whole different set of struggles.
 
I suppose I could throw in a little different subject here about a current situation I am in.

A year ago I was suddenly thrown into a situation I was absolutely against, my mother who had been renting the same place for well over 20 years had her rent doubled and could not longer financially stay, I had zero other choice but to take her in, my siblings have spouses and children and we're unable to. Me being the black sheep am in a house by myself. She is retired and on a fixed income.

I have had to completely change my lifestyle to accommodate her and quite frankly am uncomfortable in my own home, I am a shift worker gone for 12 hours a day 4 days a week, even though it's my home I no longer do things I was once able to to be quiet and respectful. I don't like being there.

She mostly keeps to herself and isn't making a mess or anything like that but just the fact that she is pretty much there 24/7 brings me great discomfort, I don't have the best relationship with her but it's not bad either, I also understand she is struggling with such a sudden life change, she also had knee replacement earlier in the year and has since, mostly recovered.

I can't help but feel a loss of independence, defeat and shame, although it's the right thing to do and I'm grateful I'm in a situation to be able to help and she has helped me many times in the past.

She lives a pretty sedentary life right now, rarely leaves her room and most likely is lonely and depressed, I can only see her experiencing a rapid cognitive decline as well as physical the longer she is there.

This week I've let my siblings know how I really feel and I am sure they are now pissed off at me, maybe I'm a bad person I don't know but I'm full on ready to cut them out of my life if it comes to that, I'm also reaching a point of anger and resentment.

My brother did say he would see if she was up for moving in with them now as their situation has changed since last year but I don't know if that will happen and she will agree to move to Logan, I think it would be better for her to have some sort of social structure. I'm not trying to throw her out or give her any more stress but something has to give and this sucks.

I don't know what else to do. 🫤
 
JeeperG said:
I suppose I could throw in a little different subject here about a current situation I am in.

A year ago I was suddenly thrown into a situation I was absolutely against, my mother who had been renting the same place for well over 20 years had her rent doubled and could not longer financially stay, I had zero other choice but to take her in, my siblings have spouses and children and we're unable to. Me being the black sheep am in a house by myself. She is retired and on a fixed income.

I have had to completely change my lifestyle to accommodate her and quite frankly am uncomfortable in my own home, I am a shift worker gone for 12 hours a day 4 days a week, even though it's my home I no longer do things I was once able to to be quiet and respectful. I don't like being there.

She mostly keeps to herself and isn't making a mess or anything like that but just the fact that she is pretty much there 24/7 brings me great discomfort, I don't have the best relationship with her but it's not bad either, I also understand she is struggling with such a sudden life change, she also had knee replacement earlier in the year and has since, mostly recovered.

I can't help but feel a loss of independence, defeat and shame, although it's the right thing to do and I'm grateful I'm in a situation to be able to help and she has helped me many times in the past.

She lives a pretty sedentary life right now, rarely leaves her room and most likely is lonely and depressed, I can only see her experiencing a rapid cognitive decline as well as physical the longer she is there.

This week I've let my siblings know how I really feel and I am sure they are now pissed off at me, maybe I'm a bad person I don't know but I'm full on ready to cut them out of my life if it comes to that, I'm also reaching a point of anger and resentment.

My brother did say he would see if she was up for moving in with them now as their situation has changed since last year but I don't know if that will happen and she will agree to move to Logan, I think it would be better for her to have some sort of social structure. I'm not trying to throw her out or give her any more stress but something has to give and this sucks.

I don't know what else to do. 🫤
Click to expand...
Is there some kind of investment opportunity hiding in plain site here? She was paying rent and would maybe like to still have her own place (I'm assuming...) so maybe there's an opportunity to pick up a really small place for her to live her days out in that you can break even on keeping her rent low. To which when the unfortunate time comes, you will likely have built a good chunk of equity in said place to sell or rent out at a higher rate. You both get your independence back and the situation is beneficial for you both. Just trying to help look at it from a different perspective.
 
Herzog said:
Is there some kind of investment opportunity hiding in plain site here? She was paying rent and would maybe like to still have her own place (I'm assuming...) so maybe there's an opportunity to pick up a really small place for her to live her days out in that you can break even on keeping her rent low. To which when the unfortunate time comes, you will likely have built a good chunk of equity in said place to sell or rent out at a higher rate. You both get your independence back and the situation is beneficial for you both. Just trying to help look at it from a different perspective.
Click to expand...
Hmmm, yeah I don't know yet, she is on some list that is for the elderly on fixed income, some other options have been looked at I'm told, my older brother is a code writer for the government so he's pulling in way more money than I do and also has a lot more space, I feel for her too, most of her "stuff" is in storage and I'm sure it's hard for her to suddenly not have all that and be where she is. I really do hope she will take my brother up on his offer, it'll be good for her to have more social interaction if she chooses and maybe even spend time with grandchildren and others that are there often.

Also on another note, my cousin that I purchased my 40 Ford from that also helped start building the chassis, he has glioblastoma, (brain cancer) it's not good. He's only 58? One of his wishes is to get the 29 roadster pickup he and my uncle have been building finished before he dies. My brother and I hope to get out there soon and do an assessment and see how we can help, it's harder for us to get out to Grantsville for this. He is still working part time in his welding instructor position out at Tooele tech at the moment and doing targeted radiation but who knows how long that's going to last or how much more time he gets here.
 
I am now booking a flight to run up to Portland this evening because my cousin, who I'm pretty close to, is terminal from a rare gastrointestinal cancer that has moved exponentially fast over the last few months and is basically down to the last couple days of living... She is only 30 years old.

If it really does come to it this will be the first death in my extended family on that side. And probably the first time in my life that someone close to me passes. Not to mention how young she is...
 
I work nights. Katelynn got home late Thursday night and I missed her so when I got home I stayed awake to here about her Moab giant swing and trip to Moab with her work, Matts off-road recovery.

While she is gone I secured a sponsor for next year to allow us to travel to an event in Texas. I proceed to tell her this and she then drops a bomb shell stating that she is done and not competing next year. We had our rough patches but this is news to me and a complete surprise. She simply tells me she isn't having fun and she quits. Then she gets up and walks out the door to go to work.

We have have worked hard over the last 5 years and built quite a name for ourselves and secured some pretty cool sponsors that are difficult to obtain. I have invested 100s of hours and thousands of dollars into this. Sponsors have helped ease that burden but still. Thos last year year the expectation of her was Dad does everything and I get to drive the car and compete in it. That has been a lot of the frustration between us. I texted her and told her we need to have a real discussion about this but that hasn't happened yet.

When I approached her about it today I asked if she was ready to talk and she told me no. I am heart broken and even she'd some tears over it. I still have few words to share and am extremely frustrated.
The thing is we have even secured some products that are already installed on the buggy for next season. That will be part of the discussion about what to do about that when we get to have that talk. Anyways. Just needed to share and get it off my chest. Hopefully we will come to a resolution of sorts but we will see.

Ever since she started working for Matt she has become more and more difficult to work with as a team member. I really feel unappreciated as the only reason she is where she is is because of what we have done together as a team.
 
Last edited:
kmboren said:
I work nights. Katelynn got home late Thursday night and I missed her so when I got home I stayed awake to here about her Moab giant swing and trip to Moab with her work.

While she is gone I secured a sponsor for next year to allow us to travel to an event in Texas. I proceed to tell her this and she then drops a bomb shell stating that she is done and not competing next year. We had our rough patches but this is news to me and a complete surprise. She simply tells me she isn't having fun and she quits. Then she gets up and walks out the door to go to work.

We have have worked hard over the last 5 years and built quite a name for ourselves and secured some pretty cool sponsors that are difficult to obtain. I texted her and told her we need to have a real discussion about this but that hasn't happened yet. When I approached her about it today I asked if she was ready to talk and she told me no. I am heart broken and even she'd some tears over it. I still have few words to share and am extremely frustrated.
The thing is we have even secured some products that are already installed on the buggy for next season. That will be part of the discussion about what to do about that when we get to have that talk. Anyways. Just needed to share and get it off my chest. Hopefully we will come to a resolution of sorts but we will see.
Click to expand...
Ok hear me out. I’m about the same height as Kate and if we get a blonde wig…
 
Update:
She finally consented to have a conversation. Turns out she didn't like how competive it was turning into. I am the competitive one. So we will do a couple events but not all of them and just try to get back to having a fun time. I told her she needs to communicate better with me. Hopefully we just get back to having fun.
At least she consented to doing a couple events vs just quitting cold turkey. I have a better piece of mind now.
 
kmboren said:
Update:
She finally consented to have a conversation. Turns out she didn't like how competive it was turning into.
Click to expand...
That’s the whole reason I have never been interested in competitive rockcrawling. I just wanna wheel with my friends, and I generally don’t care for most sporting events due to the people who have such poor sportsmanship.

That being said, I’m hoping to make it to DCRC this year, since it’s literally wheeling with all of my friends. Two of my neighbors even went last year and expected me to be there competing. They’re still giving me crap for missing it.
 
Glad to hear things are shaping up, Kevin. I know this has been troubling you for some time.

Hickey said:
That’s the whole reason I have never been interested in competitive rockcrawling. I just wanna wheel with my friends, and I generally don’t care for most sporting events due to the people who have such poor sportsmanship.
Click to expand...

Comp crawling is what you make it. We always show up to events planning to do our best to win AND have fun. Some competitors suck and seem to be out to ruin the fun but they’re definitely the exception not the rule. Some of the coolest people I know, I met on the comp scene.
 
Last edited:
kmboren said:
Update:
She finally consented to have a conversation. Turns out she didn't like how competive it was turning into. I am the competitive one. So we will do a couple events but not all of them and just try to get back to having a fun time. I told her she needs to communicate better with me. Hopefully we just get back to having fun.
At least she consented to doing a couple events vs just quitting cold turkey. I have a better piece of mind now.
Click to expand...

I spent 20,000 miles driving my daughter to various races this year. Its been the best investment in our relationship I could have ever made.

Just keep perspective on why you started this whole adventure. I’m sure it all started as an excuse to spend time together and stay close. Bring it back to its roots and focus on that personal time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top