Blond Jokes

[rholbrook]

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's


a 'peel and win' sticker on her coffee cup.


So she peels it off and starts screaming,



'I've won a motor home!
​

I've won a motor home!'

The waitress says, 'That's impossible.
​

The biggest prize is a free lunch?'

But the blonde keeps on screaming,



I've won a motor home!
​

I've won a motor home!'

Finally, the manager comes over and says,



'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
​

You couldn't have possibly won a motor home

because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake.

I've won a motor home!'

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...


'W I N A B A G E L' ​

 

[krany]

what did the 2 blondes say when they walked into the building?


damn that hurt!

 

[YROC FAB.]

how do you confuse a blonde?

put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.

how does she confuse you?

she tells you she did.

 

[Cody]

Why did the blonde have a bruised belly button?

cause he was a blonde too.

 

[01XJ]

A blonde walks in to a pizza parlor and orders a large pizza. The guy asked her "Would you like that cut in to 6 slices or 12?" she says oh 6 i could never eat 12.

what did the Blonde name her pet Zebra?.......... Spot

How do you get a blondes eyes to sparkle?....... shine a flashlight in her ear

Why couldnt the Blonde become a pharmacist?...... she couldnt figure out how to get the bottle in the typewriter.

what do you call 12 blondes in the freezer?..... frosted flakes

what do blondes and a screen door have in common? The harder you slam them the looser they get.

what does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common??......They are both empty from the neck up

What did the smart blonde say?..... nothing there is no such thing as a smart blonde

how do you drowned a blonde? stick a scratch n sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool

 

[SUPERFLY]

A blind man walks into a bar.. He sits down and after a minutes says "hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?" the bar goes quiet...
The bar tender walks up and she says "hey pal, before you tell your joke i think i better tell you that there's a blonde in the corner who's a champion womens boxer, there's a blonde in the other corner who's a 6 foot tall fire fighter, there a blonde playing pool who's a well built police officer, there's a blonde sitting next to you who's a black belt, and I'm an ex pro wrestler, do you still wanna tell your joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second and says "NAAA I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT FIVE TIMES!"

 

[rholbrook]

More

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this" and goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed

and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"
The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Two Blondes with Hammers Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding and would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it
over her shoulder or nail it in. Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?” Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.' Judy got completely upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ​

A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad hailstorm... Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened, so she blew a little harder & still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ​

A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing; I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos, it keeps hot things hot & cold things
cold,' she replied. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied.
'Two popsicles & some coffee.'
+++++++++++++ ​

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.' The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax & rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here.
I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing that here.' The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual.
A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks. 'No!' exclaims the blonde.
'I just received a horrible call from my sister.​

Her mother died, too!'​

 

[rholbrook]

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend
trip to Louisiana.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and
the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up,
having a great time, when one of them realized she
hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She
decided to go up and investigate..

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the
Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road,
clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles..
The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here?
We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard
and whispered...​

'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER! ​

​

​

​

​

​

​

 

[Thursty]

I'll repost this one.....


A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for a loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The loan officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked in front of the bank on the street.

She has the Title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 with interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzeled. While you were away, we checked your records and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzels us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000 when you obviously don't need it?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it be there when I return?"

 

[rholbrook]

Ice Fishing Blonde

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice.
She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, “….is that you, Lord??"

The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK.”

 

[rholbrook]

Seven Degrees of Blondes

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me; ... I know 'em all."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy ... it's W."

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: "Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her U.S.
Government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, "That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware ."


SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!"