I have been collecting quotes since I was a kid and here are some of my favorites.
"No one ever won a war by dying for his country.
He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."
- Attributed to General George Patton Jr.
(from "A Genius for War" by Carlo d'Este)
"If a man does his best, what else is there?"
- General George Patton Jr.
"If everyone is thinking alike, someone isn't thinking."
- General George Patton Jr.
Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.
- General George Patton Jr.
Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.
- General George Patton Jr.
Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.
- General George Patton Jr.
May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't.
- General George Patton Jr.
"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head."
-Dennis Miller
"Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time."
-Dennis Miller
"A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error."
-Dennis Miller
"A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. "
-Dennis Miller"
"Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese."
-Dennis Miller
"And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their brekfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee."
-Dennis Miller
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
-- Philip K. Dick
"He who builds a better mousetrap these days runs into material shortages, patent-infringement suits, work stoppages, collusive bidding, discount discrimination--and taxes."
--H. E. Martz
"Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few."
--George Bernard Shaw
“We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?”
-Jean Cocteau
“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”--Mark Twain
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."
--Robert X. Cringely
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."--Mark Twain
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
--George Carlin
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
--Will Rogers