Funny things Old People would say.

[rholbrook]

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

***********

This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and
Sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."


***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your
Hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over
There instead of you."


***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess
What day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose
Patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."


***********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing
On a table. I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed
By now."

When you are over sixty-five who gives a shit?

 

[Pike2350]

I'll throw in what my 80 yr dad said the other day about my sister not wanting kids

"what good are women if they don't want kids"

I laughed pretty hard.

 

[rholbrook]

I went to lunch with an older client of mine and we have become fishing buddies. During lunch our waitress lacked a lot of personality and skills and when she brought the tab, it was Bill's turn to buy so he laid a $30 on the table with the check. The waitress picked it up and asked, "Do you need change?" Bill said,"Yes, you weren't that good."

I was dying.

 

[Gravy]

My Great-Uncle would pick up his grand daughters ponytails and say "that's not what I'm used to seeing under a pony's tail!"