UPDATE
Haven't heard anything from dealer since I called Monday and waited 50 minutes on hold. So, I decided to call. I got a nice cheerful woman who said she'd get an Advisor for me. Ten minutes pass, I get one.
Me: Hi, I'd like an update on my 2002 JGC with the no-start issue.
Advisor: Well, we're pretty sure it isn't the battery.
Me: Um... the battery?
Advisor: Yeah, we had the charger on it all day and it'll turn over but won't fire, so probably not your battery.
It was turning over fine when I dropped it off. I made no mention of bad battery in my lengthy write-up I gave them about what happened. Clearly a new battery if they looked at it with good connections. Yet they had it charging all day?
Me: Okay... Well, what will you test/scan next?
Advisor: Well, could be the PCM, we see that sometimes. Or could be the SKIM (key) system. Or something electrical, just not battery.
Me: So you've done that already, or...?
Advisor: No, we'll need to look into that.
Three days. Three days they've had it. And, as Sawtooth and I researched, those (PCM and SKIM) are the most likely issues. I said as much in my write-up, as the SKIM key was illuminated and my computer wasn't reading all the time. This is why I brought it do you, a deep diagnostic with tools I don't have.
Me: Okay... Thank you for the information. Will you test the PCM and SKIM tomorrow?
Advisor: Yeah, we need to run more tests, we'll call again when we know more.
Me: Okay. Thank y... *click*
Awesome. Oh, and usually "call again" implies calling me at least once, so...
I know they have steps and crap, but really? Three days and you left a charger on it all day when it wasn't ever a battery issue? That's all you've done?
I wasn't too be optimistic, but I feel this going sideways...