Mental health: it’s ok to talk.

[Kevin B.]

So today is Mental Health Day I guess?

I don't think I've ever been close to someone who was suicidal, except my Dad and I'm not sure he was really suicidal, I don't think he had a plan and I think his sense of duty wouldn't have let him go through with it. I know for sure he was suffering physically and mentally and I'm glad that he's not any more because I don't think that was going to change.

I hope everyone is doing good, and if you're not I hope you reach out to someone. I don't reach out often enough when I'm in a hole, mostly because I'm stubborn and prideful and embarrassed, but also because sometimes I don't think that there's anything anyone else can do to help? That's the monkey on my back talking. Even if there really is nothing anybody else can do to help, sometimes the act of reaching out is the help that someone else needed, just to know that you trusted them in your time of need. That could be the help they needed, and that act might just be the help you didn't think would help you?

I dunno, I'm no expert. But I hope everyone is doing good, and if you're not I hope you reach out to someone.

 

[jeeper]

Thanks for the reminder @Kevin B.

 

[Thursty]

You can’t check in with your friends enough.

 

[JeeperG]

I'm doing a bit better, now that I know what I'm dealing with, just raw dogging it, no meds for me unless I get worse.

I've been focused more on getting good sleep, poor sleep really wrecks me.

I realize my truck project is negatively effecting me as well, it is just a second job, provides no dopamine but we're nearing the end, just going to stick it out cause it is bringing so much into my life.

I most certainly need to gain back my weekend freedom, the impulsivity, the adventures, the social life. Since I've not been doing those things much I now understand why I've been so down.

Also living alone can be rough, I'm learning also why I just need to stay as busy and productive as possible, it makes me feel good, even if it means I'm doing a dozen things at once, I get shit done.

A whole lot is changing for me soon, I look forward to that, next year will hopefully be a much better year.

Jeep needs to get back on the road too as I've missed that outlet

 

[Hickey]

I will say, my new position at work has me outside almost constantly. The weather is far more difficult to deal with than I had expected, but the vitamin D bombardment has me in a far better place than I’ve ever been.

 

[STAG]

I’ve been in the camp of “don’t talk about it” for a while.

I had talked to my ex gf a bit (when we were still dating, not postpartum) about some of the stuff I deal with and she didn’t get it nor take to it well. Which further made me feel like “just don’t talk about it”

I had the currently worst-moment of my life happen almost a year ago. I have talked about it lightly with a few family members but no one really knows how it effected me. I haven’t really been the same since, mentally.

I will say that I often would say it would be nice to have a best friend to hang out with here and there. Seems like all my friends lately are busy with their families, which I get is totally a good thing to be busy with.

Currently I’m looking at a few bigger vacations to plan next year (Australia/NZ, Alaska backcountry, possibly more) and currently I’m just planning on going alone. Which I’m cool with too.

 

[Kevin B.]

I will say, my new position at work has me outside almost constantly. The weather is far more difficult to deal with than I had expected, but the vitamin D bombardment has me in a far better place than I’ve ever been.

I absolutely have to get outside more this winter, last go round was pretty brutal. I haven't snowboarded in years and years, but I think I'm gonna get a new set of boots and get back on the slopes a little. And I've got the fat bike and snow shoes.

Anybody use a sun lamp? Prescription or did you grab a cheap one off the internet? I'm thinking about picking one up but I don't know if there's a difference between what you'd get from a medical supply place and what's on Amazon except for the price?

 

[JeeperG]

I have a light I use in winter that is helpful, there is some good Huberman lab stuff about this.

Using Light for Health - Huberman Lab

Discover how harnessing the power of light can have positive effects on your mental and physical health.

www.hubermanlab.com

I'm getting my snow shoes out and planning some cabin winter trips already, probably solo.

 

[moab_cj5]

I feel like I have a great group of friends, I'm married to a great woman, and my oldest son is also a good friend. I still find I feel alone at times even when I'm surrounded by people.

I do about half, or more, of my trips alone because people are busy and schedules don't line up with friends or family often. I'm trying to extend my friend circle too to find more people to get out with, but that takes more effort than I usually want to put in, so I keep the status quo and go out alone to get out.

I find myself in dark places more often if I don't get outside time regularly. I camp in all seasons and try to have hobbies for each season to have more reasons to get outside.

Having written that, If anyone needs someone to get out with, hit me up. If you need someone to talk to, hit me up. I strive to always be available for family and friends. While I don't know everyone on RME, I feel a type of bond with many and will certainly make myself available if someone here reaches out and needs an ear at a minimum. I would love to get out with folks here and have wanted to attend the meet & greets but seem to always have something when they're planned. Some day.

 

[TRD270]

do about half, or more, of my trips alone because people are busy and schedules don't line up with friends or family often. I'm trying to extend my friend circle too to find more people to get out with, but that takes more effort than I usually want to put in, so I keep the status quo and go out alone to get out.

I find myself in dark places more often if I don't get outside time regularly. I camp in all seasons and try to have hobbies for each season to have more reasons to get outside.

This is pretty much me, I’ve cycled friend groups and hobbies over the years due to my random schedule over the various careers and nothing has changed in this one. I do have quite a bit more time off now but will be a while before that time consistently falls on weekends. Like @STAG lost contact/relationship with many long time friends just from them being busy with their new families, as my wife and I have chosen not to have kids, so the interests between friends had just shifted.

I have as goofy of a schedule as anyone, as has been said by others if you need to get out or want an adventure buddy hit me up. Except @Kevin B. Who seems just dead set on maintaining the polar opposite schedule

Also @Hickey …. Watch it if you go to Hickey acres, makes those bewilder beers way more potent and makes you forget the night before…. Or maybe it was from that drink he “offered” me

 

[Herzog]

Also @Hickey …. Watch it if you go to Hickey acres, makes those bewilder beers way more potent and makes you forget the night before…. Or maybe it was from that drink he “offered” me

Sounds like you got some of his extra "vitamin D"

 

[ChestonScout]

Definitely been a poopy summer here for mental well being.

Work has just been especially worky.

As you all know housing market is junk with interest rates. I’m a superintendent for a small builder. In order to earn my salary paycheck I’m doing lots of manual labor on the clock. Plus still running all the jobs. It feels like I’m working 2 jobs and have taken a pretty big cut in pay. Have to wait to see numbers but I think 25% less than last year and WAY more hours.

I try to think positive that at least I still have my job but I think it’s only a matter of time. How long can any company last not making money?

My boss is also a good friend. We are pretty good at keeping work and personal separate. Mostly

Work is always work. With some trips and occasional time off it makes it bearable. I have been on my dirt bike twice and mountain bike a few saturdays. Not enough.

I have only been able to go to the family property one overnighter in the spring.

I just need a break!

Then, My cousin passed away a few weeks ago. 2 years younger than me and had a heart attack. We grew up together. Definitely more like brothers.

My heart just aches for his mom. He was her only child. His dad committed suicide when he was around 2. She remarried a bunch of years later then he got sick and died 3 years ago. She lost her 2 brothers (one my dad) and a sister in the last few years. Sister was this spring. She is at her breaking point I’m sure


Life is short, And I’m glad because it is stupid hard.

I am pretty nervous for winter. I always struggle with the short daylight and not enough sun. I am just going to have to make snow biking a priority. If I can get away from work 🤣

 

[Kevin B.]

Also @Hickey …. Watch it if you go to Hickey acres, makes those bewilder beers way more potent and makes you forget the night before…. Or maybe it was from that drink he “offered” me

It wasn't the beer, man. It was the roofie he slipped you.

 

[mesha]

Definitely been a poopy summer here for mental well being.

Work has just been especially worky.

As you all know housing market is junk with interest rates. I’m a superintendent for a small builder. In order to earn my salary paycheck I’m doing lots of manual labor on the clock. Plus still running all the jobs. It feels like I’m working 2 jobs and have taken a pretty big cut in pay. Have to wait to see numbers but I think 25% less than last year and WAY more hours.

I try to think positive that at least I still have my job but I think it’s only a matter of time. How long can any company last not making money?

My boss is also a good friend. We are pretty good at keeping work and personal separate. Mostly

Work is always work. With some trips and occasional time off it makes it bearable. I have been on my dirt bike twice and mountain bike a few saturdays. Not enough.

I have only been able to go to the family property one overnighter in the spring.

I just need a break!

Then, My cousin passed away a few weeks ago. 2 years younger than me and had a heart attack. We grew up together. Definitely more like brothers.

My heart just aches for his mom. He was her only child. His dad committed suicide when he was around 2. She remarried a bunch of years later then he got sick and died 3 years ago. She lost her 2 brothers (one my dad) and a sister in the last few years. Sister was this spring. She is at her breaking point I’m sure


Life is short, And I’m glad because it is stupid hard.

I am pretty nervous for winter. I always struggle with the short daylight and not enough sun. I am just going to have to make snow biking a priority. If I can get away from work 🤣

Sorry to hear about work and all the other crap you have going on. I hope things get better for you.

 

[jeeper]

@ChestonScout I'm at 50% of income this year do to the interest rates. But I also am about 50% of the work. I didn't try to work harder. I welcomed the break of not working 80-100 hours a week. Now I'm just a regular person with a 40 hour job.

There have been quite a few times my kids have commented that they didn't know I could smile or do fun things.. I guess when I'm not over worked, I calm down a little.

I have stayed just a busy doing things, so I still feel like I have no extra time.. but now it's things I enjoy more.

That being said.. This morning I was still thinking to myself how bad life sucks. I HATE sitting in front of this computer all day. I hate being fat. I hate having to earn money. I hate having to deal with jr high aged kid drama. I hate school homework.

I guess my point is that no matter how life is going, we still have emotions and issues. We still need friends. We still need support.

I'm grateful for the friends I've made here on RME.

 

[N-Smooth]

I’ve been in the camp of “don’t talk about it” for a while.

I had talked to my ex gf a bit (when we were still dating, not postpartum) about some of the stuff I deal with and she didn’t get it nor take to it well. Which further made me feel like “just don’t talk about it”

I had the currently worst-moment of my life happen almost a year ago. I have talked about it lightly with a few family members but no one really knows how it effected me. I haven’t really been the same since, mentally.

I will say that I often would say it would be nice to have a best friend to hang out with here and there. Seems like all my friends lately are busy with their families, which I get is totally a good thing to be busy with.

Currently I’m looking at a few bigger vacations to plan next year (Australia/NZ, Alaska backcountry, possibly more) and currently I’m just planning on going alone. Which I’m cool with too.

Come visit a guy for heavens sake!

Outdoor time is also mandatory for me, whether I’m riding kids’ electric toys, driving my r/c truck or even cleaning my garage. I NEED it.

 

[ChestonScout]

@ChestonScout I'm at 50% of income this year do to the interest rates. But I also am about 50% of the work. I didn't try to work harder. I welcomed the break of not working 80-100 hours a week. Now I'm just a regular person with a 40 hour job.

There have been quite a few times my kids have commented that they didn't know I could smile or do fun things.. I guess when I'm not over worked, I calm down a little.

I have stayed just a busy doing things, so I still feel like I have no extra time.. but now it's things I enjoy more.

That being said.. This morning I was still thinking to myself how bad life sucks. I HATE sitting in front of this computer all day. I hate being fat. I hate having to earn money. I hate having to deal with jr high aged kid drama. I hate school homework.

I guess my point is that no matter how life is going, we still have emotions and issues. We still need friends. We still need support.

I'm grateful for the friends I've made here on RME.

Ya I would totally be fine with the cut in pay if the hours were cut too. Haha.

I do appreciate the friends from RME.

Also just love having the forum that I can write some feelings out and not have to worry about judgement.

Probably a bigger help then I realize

 

[Hickey]

Hey @TRD270 have you had another drink yet? What’s it been, a month? I told you not to mess with that whiskey devil’s sauce. 😂

Half of me is looking forward to winter because of bonfires at the property. The other half is apprehensive because we need bonfires at work to keep from freezing to death. Some of the guys at work thought it was cute and novel that I brought a burn barrel to work a few weeks ago. Now they all want their own burn barrel and it ain’t even really cold yet.

 

[Hickey]

 

[Kevin B.]

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This is real. The societal expectation for the man to be the unmoving rock that all else is grounded on is real. Most guys here expect that from ourselves, and I dare say most of us probably do a pretty good job of it. I have been guilty of forgetting that it's ok to show emotion, that it's ok to discuss squishy things like feelings with partners and friends, that it's ok to be "weak" sometimes. I'm still not good at it. When I try to stumble through an "emotions" conversation with my wife, or ask her for something specific, she looks at me like I'm from Pluto because she's still not used to that from me.

I have, in the past, been proud of my status as a rock for my family. I think it did some damage, to my psyche and possibly to my relationships. I try to stay away from that mental image now, and take pride in giving my family what I percieve they need instead of what my ego wants to give them. Sometimes that's the rock, and that's good, I'm comfortable in that role. Sometimes that's counterproductive, and puts me in a position where I CAN'T give them what they need because I'm too busy wrestling with the monkey. That's what I'm working on.