Mental health: it’s ok to talk.

[jeeper]

I know this is way off subject for an off-road forum.. but it’s been thrown in my face pretty hard this week, and after a lot of thought I need to at least say something.

I’ve met a good many of you in person, and know a handful of you very well.. I also feel like I can be as open and free as I want on this forum, even though the whole world can see it.
I feel very comfortable sharing personal things, and want to make sure that anyone here feels the same.
I am happy to be an online listener, a private message listener, or even buy you a plate of food and a cold Dew if anyone feels like they need a real listening ear.
I also know that the large majority of people here would feel the same way.

I want to encourage us all to be aware of others.
I want to encourage us all to talk to someone if we feel like we are not well.
I want to encourage us all to not feel stigmatized or belittled if we feel like we need to ask for help from friends, family, or professionals.

 

[Herzog]

Over a year ago I had a very big urge to go and introduce myself to a neighbor just down the road. Something was telling me to just go say hello. I kept putting that voice off saying "I'm too busy right now, maybe next week"... well, 3 weeks later of me putting off that urge I noticed a bunch of police cars out front of his house.

The guy took his own life the prior day. I woke up this morning realizing that was exactly 1 year ago. I hope I never disregard that voice again. I feel terrible about it.

Pay attention. I think we somehow know when somebody needs help, even if we don't even know them. I can't explain why, but I really believe I was supposed to go and just have a beer with that guy and I didn't let it happen.

 

[mbryson]

We need to listen to our inner voice like @Herzog is saying. My door is always open to anyone as well

 

[Tacoma]

You really never know what just talking to someone might help them get through. Sometimes that's all they need to hear: that someone is taking the time to ask after them.

 

[Herzog]

You really never know what just talking to someone might help them get through. Sometimes that's all they need to hear: that someone is taking the time to ask after them.

Totally.

I didn't mean for my post to bring the mood down. I typed it out thinking how interesting the synchronicity of this thread was with today and I only hope that it serves a good lesson and reminder even for myself. It's a crazy world out there.

 

[jeeper]

I didn't mean for my post to bring the mood down. I typed it out thinking how interesting the synchronicity of this thread was with today and I only hope that it serves a good lesson and reminder even for myself. It's a crazy world out there.

I don't think it brought it down.. I think it hit the nail on the head, and proved exactly what I was trying to say.
look out for others that may need help, and be willing to reach out if you need help.

 

[Thursty]

I don't think it brought it down.. I think it hit the nail on the head, and proved exactly what I was trying to say.
look out for others that may need help, and be willing to reach out if you need help.

I’m so glad to see this topic brought up and I can’t agree enough with the message above! It is so important to be self aware and to know when you need to reach out for help. I don’t post on here much except for Lighten The Mood or Pics Of The Day. I think my previous career taught me to keep my cards close to the vest when it came to public forums. I recently left a 15 year career in law enforcement, with my last two years in a high level administrative position, due to mental health. Helping to guide a department through BLM, COVID and numerous other issues throughout my career along with some challenges my family faced at home was really taking its toll. My anxiety levels were through the roof! I had to hang up the duty belt, but not only that, I needed to find help. If I hadn’t had that realization I’m not sure I’d be here today.
I hope my comments don’t bring this thread down either. There has been such a stigma surrounding mental health therapy in our society and I’m so glad to see it starting to diminish. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do for a living. We all experience life events we need help getting through. If I can be of help to anyone here, please let me know.

Sorry for the lengthy post from someone you rarely hear from. 😂

 

[jeeper]

I’m so glad to see this topic brought up and I can’t agree enough with the message above! It is so important to be self aware and to know when you need to reach out for help. I don’t post on here much except for Lighten The Mood or Pics Of The Day. I think my previous career taught me to keep my cards close to the vest when it came to public forums. I recently left a 15 year career in law enforcement, with my last two years in a high level administrative position, due to mental health. Helping to guide a department through BLM, COVID and numerous other issues throughout my career along with some challenges my family faced at home was really taking its toll. My anxiety levels were through the roof! I had to hang up the duty belt, but not only that, I needed to find help. If I hadn’t had that realization I’m not sure I’d be here today. I hope my comments don’t bring this thread down either. There has been such a stigma surrounding mental health therapy and I’m so glad to see it starting to diminish. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do for a living. We all experience tragic events we need help getting through. If I can be of help anyone here, please let me know.

Sorry for the lengthy post from someone you rarely hear from. 😂

Well said. Thanks for sharing.

 

[N-Smooth]

Mental health issues suck and our health care system is really bad when it comes to finding help. When I was looking for someone to talk to it took poring over our list of covered providers from our insurance company and several calls to different places only to find out they didn’t have any appointments available or they stopped seeing adults etc. It was a joke and made me really feel for people that were worse off than me.

All of the politics, COVID and the associated divisiveness they’ve caused really made me focus on my family, extended family and community. It’s amazing the difference we can make for those around us by just talking to them and being caring. I also try and engage in acts of service regularly, especially with the youth in my area. I’d love to say it’s a selfless act but I get so much out of it that I feel like I’m really the winner lol

 

[Rot Box]

“The opposite of depression is not happiness but vitality”

Andrew Solomon.

We’re no strangers to depression or anxiety at my house. Pm me, shoot me a text I’m not a professional—far from it but I can try my best to help with what works what doesn’t and what to to expect especially if you’re dealing with either of the two for the first time. I hope so badly that nobody has to go through it but it’s out there and it’s more common than you’d think.

I linked my favorite video for those that want to understand depression/anxiety. It’s a long one so grab a drink and some popcorn—worth the watch for sure.

 

[Kevin B.]

I've mentioned my ADHD diagnosis once or twice, but I don't normally talk about the depression or anxiety that comes with it. There's a definite stigma there, at least I feel one, and it's hard to admit that little things like feelings can completely incapacitate me some days. It's gotten worse since Covid and the associated bullshit started. Physical exertion and sunlight helps but only goes so far. I'm not on meds for any of it, but sometimes I wonder if I should be.

I'm not very good at talking about it and probably worse at listening, but lump me in with the "here if you need a hand" crowd.

 

[Houndoc]

I suspect everyone of us knowns someone who has taken their own life. Too often those around them didn't know how badly they struggled prior to that step.

Unfortunately it is often hard to open up, reach out and admit we need help. We can all strive to make that easier for ourselves and others.

 

[Unimog]

I linked my favorite video for those that want to understand depression/anxiety. It’s a long one so grab a drink and some popcorn—worth the watch for sure.

Thanks for posting this. I have several friends who deal with depression. I know enough to know that I can't possibly understand it completely, but I think it helps to try.

 

[glockman]

To echo Jeeper a bit, I know this is an offroad forum but I think the local nature and the fact that many of us meet in person often makes it much more. This is the type of community that people need and are lacking. Read bowling alone if you have a chance.

I hate to admit I've seen some very dark times. Lost several friends in my past life and made lots of stupid decisions that caught up with me. There was a point where I didn't think the shit storm would ever end or that I could undo all the messes I'd made. I was totally overwhelmed and deeply depressed for a few years. Having come out the other side now, I'm super appreciative of every day. It probably sounds woowoo and new aged but it is the truth for me. Add me to the list of dudes you can call or just text with. I don't think it needs to be an intervention like Chance mentioned. Most of us just need someone who will listen for a bit or check in to let us know we are thought of. Mesha sent me a text a few years ago that I still have and really impacted me. One more reason I love that dude. My number is 8013686760 if any of you beautiful disasters ever need an ear.

 

[Greg]

You guys all make me proud.... seriously, I love that this real, honest conversation can be had on here. ❤️ Thank you all that have shared yourself and offered to be a helping hand when needed.

I'm not sure how many of you know this, but we've lost a few active RME members to suicide over the years. These were people that I've personally gotten to know very well, spent time on trail with, in competitions, been on double dates and interacted with on here. I miss them all and wish they would have reached out, said something and been brave enough to ask for help. I wish I had realized how bad off they were and had said something.

I'll also say that I've had some rough patches in my life.... I understand how difficult it can be. If anyone needs a friend, don't hesitate to reach out to me.

This conversation has made me think it's time to recognize all the RME members we've lost over the years.... to natural causes, suicide, etc. People that we've known that have moved on, but need to be remembered. Thanks for prompting this idea.

Lastly, if you're desperate and need help, but don't feel like you have someone to talk to, please use these options. I don't want to loose any more friends to suicide.

Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741741

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255

 

[Thursty]

Thank you Greg for sharing those resources. The memorial page is an excellent idea.

I’d like to share this resource as well.

SafeUT: Help With Any Sized Problem, Any Time

The SafeUT app provides a way to connect to licensed counselors that are ready to listen to any sized crisis or concern. Help is immediate and confidential, and as easy as reaching for your phone and sending that first text.

safeut.org

The SafeUT app provides a way to connect to licensed counselors that are ready to listen to any sized crisis or concern. Help is immediate and confidential, and as easy as reaching for your phone and sending that first text.

 

[jeeper]

I started this thread due to a friend who was having some struggles. We buried that friend yesterday. It’s been very difficult on our family, especially with the ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’s’. It was just a few weeks ago that he was in our home, and I was completely unaware of his situation. His wife was even unaware. The amount of sadness in our neighborhood is unreal.
I am grateful for you guys. I am grateful for the comments and stories that have been shared. I am grateful for the support I can receive from this forum, and the good friends it has given me.

I wanted to take a second just to echo the resources shared above, and especially remind us of the willingness that many have offered to lend a listening ear. Please let others listen.

You are a great group of guys.

 

[nnnnnate]

I think I'm pretty open about taking meds for my combination of anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I guess its been about ten years since I started taking them and the days I forget or have run out there is a HUGE difference in my mood, and interaction with others. My son occasionally asks me why I take the meds in the morning when he sees me pull them out of the cupboard. I always tell him that they help other people want to be around me.

I don't know what the average person thinks it takes to get meds but to be clear even your "family" doctor can prescribe them. You'd make an appointment and when they ask why, tell them you'd like a mood screener or you want to talk about depression or anxiety or whatever. They'll probably send you a survey to fill out before hand and then they'll go over it and you'll likely leave the appointment with a script in hand. You don't have to see a shrink or talk about your feelings before they'll deem you worthy of meds. Really, if you feel like you might benefit from them go talk to your family doctor about it.

So, along with me being open about it my older brother, who doesn't have ADHD and hasn't had prolonged depression or anxiety, decided he needed to talk to someone about getting meds last year around August. He found his mood had been rough, the depression or feeling down he had felt previously that would typically only last a week or two hadn't resolved itself for months. There were also some other things he noticed that were new and chalked them up to turning 40. He found work (office job, engineer) harder and harder to cope with and finally his wife coaxed him into making an appointment with his doctor. He got some depression meds and his doc decided since he didn't have a history of prolonged depression coupled with the other new things were enough to have him do some blood tests. Those led to more tests, an MRI, and a CT scan. Turns out he had a tumor on his pituitary gland that was messing with him. It helped explain the depression, headaches, and to a lesser extent the new milk sensitivity. He had brain surgery, through his nose, and it was deemed to be non cancerous. Turns out the tumor had died and had kind of just turned into a pool of goo in there but they sucked out what they could and thankfully he's been slowly feeling better. He's back at work after being on disability for like 3 months and they were finally able to take a family vacation that they had put off too many times. I just wonder how things would have gone had he not been willing to talk to a doctor about what was going on.

Despite the meds I take there are still days that are not great. I'm grateful for my family, especially my two boys. They help me laugh and smile and understand that my rough days are temporary and that things aren't so bad.

 

[Hickey]

I've taken "the meds" before. I had some significant anxiety and depression after my divorce. My doctor gave me a scrip and I took them for about a year. The meds did not help my anxiety and depression, but they did help me lose 30 lbs. They also gave me some odd side-effects like weird dreams where I would wake up kicking my wife's leg in the middle of the night. She wasn't a fan. 😂

What did help me was getting back into wheeling again. I tried to stay away from it after selling my Jeep in 2004. I basically lied to myself until 2012 and then I put my toe back in Jeep the water and bought a JKU. That got my wife a little more I interested in Jeeping, but 4 doors are massive on the trail, so I traded that on my 2 Door JK. Then an sold CJ shit box showed up and gave me more depression and anxiety... but it's the happy kind.

Between the Jeeps and my recreation property, I'm a pretty happy guy. Loads of sun and dirt and hard labor. These are things that we know for a fact can help with depression and anxiety.

 

[Kiel]

I wont lie.. it's not easy. If not for my amazing friends and the people around me, including RME FOLK. It can be rough. Today was my adopted dog eight years b day. Funny that he wanted me....Followed me.....I would do anything ....day. still right by me. A lot of thing changes, but not everything. Including appreciating you guys. Little by little