Lazarus401
Old Time RME'r
- Location
- Vineyard, Utah
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.
Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back off.
Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.
Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.
When Chuck Norris laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently shits a cow.
***** owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take **** from anyone.
Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Chuck Norris. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.
When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
Chuck Norris once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.
People say the truth hurts, but it hurts a hell of a lot more when it comes from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can open beer cans with his teeth. He still prefers to use other people's teeth, though.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.
Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back off.
Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.
Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.
When Chuck Norris laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently shits a cow.
***** owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take **** from anyone.
Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Chuck Norris. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.
When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
Chuck Norris once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him.
People say the truth hurts, but it hurts a hell of a lot more when it comes from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can open beer cans with his teeth. He still prefers to use other people's teeth, though.
