Mental health: it’s ok to talk.

I'm always up for tacos. Glad to chat while we eat. Hope I'm not making light of real issues but you always hear that people aren't willing to listen. If it takes me making a sacrifice of eating tacos, I'm all for helping people

I made an extra effort to make today a positive impact. I led my team through such an easy day, that a few of my Facilitators were even questioning its productivity. Before I released everyone for the day, I met with them and asked what they thought of today. They all said it was fun. “Good” I said. “It may have seemed like we just goofed off all day and wasted the company’s time and resources, but there was a point to it all. We want you to stop and smell the roses. You all work through an incredibly stressful job at times, and we want you to take the time to enjoy the best parts of this job, the parts that most people don’t get to experience. The parts that most people will never see, feel, or smell. It’s important to the company and our success.

Two days ago a driver I’ve worked with took his own life. I don’t know what state his mind was, but I want you to know that your mental health is important to your families, friends, and to your company. So take that time to enjoy the best parts of this job.”

Hard reminder today of the intersection between mental health and head trauma.

Learned a cousin took his life over the weekend. They are attributing it to possible CTE from years of head trauma made worse with injuries this past year (he has been competing in rodeo for something like 35 years, including several recent senior world champion titles.)

Contact sports (in his case the contact is with the ground) can have such lasting impacts.

Please protect your brain.

Houndoc said:

Hard reminder today of the intersection between mental health and head trauma.

Learned a cousin took his life over the weekend. They are attributing it to possible CTE from years of head trauma made worse with injuries this past year (he has been competing in rodeo for something like 35 years, including several recent senior world champion titles.)

Contact sports (in his case the contact is with the ground) can have such lasting impacts.

Please protect your brain.

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I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard even when folks aren't completely themselves.

Ran across this today. Among other things, this is who I aspire to be.

Kevin B. said:

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Ran across this today. Among other things, this is who I aspire to be.

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You are welcome to come cook and do dishes at my house any time for your practice.

I've been rolling this around a lot lately. If you aren't at least unhappy with your current situation, how do you grow? I see a lot of "accept who you are" " you are enough" type of advice from society but it just doesn't resonate with me. I find the most misery in being stagnant. Just being happy with things seems like a waste of time. What resonates with me at a cellular level is JP saying, "you should find the heaviest thing you can lift and carry it. " Am I retarded or do some of you feel like coasting is mentally unhealthy?

glockman said:

I've been rolling this around a lot lately. If you aren't at least unhappy with your current situation, how do you grow? I see a lot of "accept who you are" " you are enough" type of advice from society but it just doesn't resonate with me. I find the most misery in being stagnant. Just being happy with things seems like a waste of time. What resonates with me at a cellular level is JP saying, "you should find the heaviest thing you can lift and carry it. " Am I retarded or do some of you feel like coasting is mentally unhealthy?

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Coasting is boring. Give me change, give me a problem to solve.

glockman said:

Am I retarded or do some of you feel like coasting is mentally unhealthy?

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I know exactly what you mean, and I agree to an extent. I think if you're not progressing and growing as a person, then how do you know that you're the best version of yourself you can be?

On the flip side, I think it's very easy for some people to fall into the trap of comparing themselves to others, and that's where the "you are enough" comes in and can be helpful. I'm constantly working on myself, but I compare who I am today with who I was yesterday. Putting myself up against others is a good way to put my self esteem in the toilet, and for no good reason because a) others are where they are as a result of what they've been able to do in the face of the challenges they've had with the resources they've had available, which is clearly not me, and b) the successes they've had and the progress they show to the outside world is an entirely different thing than what's really going on behind the scenes.

You're right, coasting is unhealthy, a lack of challenge leads to stagnation instead of healthy growth. When I tell myself things like "accept who you are", that's a reminder that just because I don't have the apparent success of some other people doesn't mean I'm lesser in any way, and if I happen to appear to be doing better at something it doesn't mean I am better. It just means I'm fighting my fights, not theirs, and as long as I'm solid in who I am and I'm content with the progress and growth I'm able to generate, that's enough.

glockman said:

I've been rolling this around a lot lately. If you aren't at least unhappy with your current situation, how do you grow? I see a lot of "accept who you are" " you are enough" type of advice from society but it just doesn't resonate with me. I find the most misery in being stagnant. Just being happy with things seems like a waste of time. What resonates with me at a cellular level is JP saying, "you should find the heaviest thing you can lift and carry it. " Am I retarded or do some of you feel like coasting is mentally unhealthy?

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I have a few hobbies that challenge me that help keep me humble. Lately it's been woodworking again and it's been a fun challenge/problem to solve.

I've also been listening to books to learn and improve.

Religion is another way to work on yourself. Whatever your belief system is, we can always work on being better, kinder, more forgiving people and I think that goes with what you're saying as well.

glockman said:

I've been rolling this around a lot lately. If you aren't at least unhappy with your current situation, how do you grow? I see a lot of "accept who you are" " you are enough" type of advice from society but it just doesn't resonate with me. I find the most misery in being stagnant. Just being happy with things seems like a waste of time. What resonates with me at a cellular level is JP saying, "you should find the heaviest thing you can lift and carry it. " Am I retarded or do some of you feel like coasting is mentally unhealthy?

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100% understand what you're saying. I've been in a major depression slump for probably the past year because of this.

Mostly my job... What I thought would be an amazing opportunity and way to constantly grow and learn has, after 5 years, turned into a dead end with no opportunity for growth and a pay raise system that leaves a lot to desire. But has also trapped me with a weird niche of experience that makes it damn hard to convince other possible employers I'm worth what I would need to support my family.

It's a wall I can't seem to get over. A plateau of growth and progress that I'm struggling to climb upwards from.

I had a coworker, who I'm good friends with, tell me he remembers the day when he "saw the light in my eyes for my job die..." I hadn't even realized why I was so pissed off and depressed for several months until he brought that up.
There is a lot more to this, but it is a dark rabbit hole that I need to keep myself out of right now.

SoopaHick said:

100% understand what you're saying. I've been in a major depression slump for probably the past year because of this.

Mostly my job... What I thought would be an amazing opportunity and way to constantly grow and learn has, after 5 years, turned into a dead end with no opportunity for growth and a pay raise system that leaves a lot to desire. But has also trapped me with a weird niche of experience that makes it damn hard to convince other possible employers I'm worth what I would need to support my family.

It's a wall I can't seem to get over. A plateau of growth and progress that I'm struggling to climb upwards from.

I had a coworker, who I'm good friends with, tell me he remembers the day when he "saw the light in my eyes for my job die..." I hadn't even realized why I was so pissed off and depressed for several months until he brought that up.
There is a lot more to this, but it is a dark rabbit hole that I need to keep myself out of right now.

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Stay focused on the good in your life. You are a wealthy man when you look at your family.

SoopaHick said:

100% understand what you're saying. I've been in a major depression slump for probably the past year because of this.

Mostly my job... What I thought would be an amazing opportunity and way to constantly grow and learn has, after 5 years, turned into a dead end with no opportunity for growth and a pay raise system that leaves a lot to desire. But has also trapped me with a weird niche of experience that makes it damn hard to convince other possible employers I'm worth what I would need to support my family.

It's a wall I can't seem to get over. A plateau of growth and progress that I'm struggling to climb upwards from.

I had a coworker, who I'm good friends with, tell me he remembers the day when he "saw the light in my eyes for my job die..." I hadn't even realized why I was so pissed off and depressed for several months until he brought that up.
There is a lot more to this, but it is a dark rabbit hole that I need to keep myself out of right now.

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I've had the same experience in my career multiple times. Each time some slight change in my role or some project has come up and I've been able to shift focus slightly and restart my progression.

I've noticed this pattern in myself, work gets challenging and I long for the slower easier days. Things settle down and in a out 6 months I get uneasy. A challenge arises and I start to progress again, rinse and repeat. I've found for me, it doesn't take a job change, just a project to spur this growth and new interest.

Kevin B. said:

I'm constantly working on myself, but I compare who I am today with who I was yesterday.

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I guess one of the reasons those statements don't resonate with me is that I do this👆pretty effectively.

I also don't have any mental discomfort about other people doing better than me. Maybe I internalize it, but I have never been very bothered by it. I always assume people are fighting their own internal battles no matter how great they seem to be doing externally. I also tend to break people down to character traits or abilities. I don't want to be Mr. XYZ, I want to be able to ride a wheelie like him, or remain calm in the face of adversity like him. I think that has been a really useful process when I compare myself to other people I admire. Even the dudes I think are top tier people have traits or tendencies that I am happy not to have. Instead I have my own, lol.

Some great points made.

I think we can and should always be trying to improve. That does not mean we need to be unhappy in anyway with how our life is now.

And while it isn't easy, as we learn to be happy for others who may have something we wish for ourselves, that seems to help avoid the trap of comparison.

I don't know, I've had enough stress, hard times, and grief during my life (I won't bore you guys with the details), that I'm just fine with being relatively content for a change. Things being a bit less stressful and not having to struggle as much, is a relief more than anything (which is of course subject to change in an instant).

That doesn't mean I'm not always trying to improve and/or learn new things.

I've been around and have seen enough people from all walks of life, to know that everyone has problems. I've never had any interest in comparing myself to others (One exception is that I am jealous of the guys who are skilled enough to ride in MotoGP ). I do know some extremely well-to-do people, who live seemingly incredible lives. They always have problems I am grateful not to have to deal with.

If someone isn't happy with their life as it is, the best advice I have is to work to change it.

If someone is struggling, reach out to friends, family, maybe a therapist if that seems to be the only option. Lots of people are willing to help.

Probably older than most of you guys, but what has always helped my mental health is being grateful for what I have, both tangible and intangible. The best thing I have ever done is to decide what the most important thing is in my life. There are always priorities, but there can only be one number one. A man I truly revere recently said we should ask ourselves: "To whom or to what will I give my life?" Once you have answered that question, it is really just left to make your choices and actions correspond to what you believe will gain you the most stability, happiness, and connection with those around you. Sounds pretty simple when I type it - obviously, the implementation is a bit more involved - hence the reason for the thread.

Unimog said:

Probably older than most of you guys, but what has always helped my mental health is being grateful for what I have, both tangible and intangible. The best thing I have ever done is to decide what the most important thing is in my life. There are always priorities, but there can only be one number one. A man I truly revere recently said we should ask ourselves: "To whom or to what will I give my life?" Once you have answered that question, it is really just left to make your choices and actions correspond to what you believe will gain you the most stability, happiness, and connection with those around you. Sounds pretty simple when I type it - obviously, the implementation is a bit more involved - hence the reason for the thread.

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Life will use you up. It's better to be used up in the pursuit of something meaningful.

Chad, the idea that we struggle with the duality of being content where we are and wanting to become more: shows that we aren't meant to be in a state of homeostasis.
And trying to make both things true is a tricky balance.

Much as I normally avoid this thread... And I'm going to avoid it again for as long as I can after this.

What you all are saying, it's real. Reach out to people. Tell people you love that you love them.

Attended a funeral yesterday. A beautiful 21 year old childhood bestie of my Daughter. I still remember taking them around trick or treating dressed as peanut butter and jelly when they were five or six.

Second childhood friend of my Daughter, plus a young female coworker of hers, killed themselves in the last three months. It's bad enough when us old guys get to that point. But young girls... WTF is wrong with the world. I sure don't know. But give out hugs and love and reach out to those people you get the feeling you ought to reach out to.

Twenty years ago. Long story, but a guy that had worked for me a long time had quit and moved to Vegas and hadn't really talked to him at all for a few years. One day I just had a feeling I needed to call him, so I did. Again, long story, and he says this, I don't. But he says he was just fixing to kill himself when I called. He's doing good today and we keep in touch often. And he doesn't bring it up but once a year, but once a year on the anniversary of that day he sends me a text to thank me for calling him.

So, just make those calls. I know my Daughter wishes she had.

- DAA