- Location
- Grantsville, Utah
This made me sad today.
Mental health: it’s ok to talk.
- Thread starter jeeper
- Start date
I found this interesting.
Self-inflicted trauma wounds reach all-time high - East Idaho News
EIRMC is seeing an unfortunate and tragic rise in self-inflicted traumas and deaths by suicide. Here are some resources to help you.www.eastidahonews.com
Adult males are the highest risk of suicide. I wouldn't have figured that.
Good read. I too and surprised that adult males are the most at risk... But in my circles, I know more adult males than I do teenagers that have died by suicide. So I guess It tracks.
- Location
- The Land Northward (Bountiful), Utah
Thanks for sharing this stuff lately guys. It's helped me a LOT!
I've been rolling around a few thoughts. Maybe if I put them out there it'll help me or someone else too... 🤷♂️
I've found all my good friends I've trauma bonded with over miserable type #2 fun. I can't imagine trying to make new deep lasting friendships with people (who like to play board games in the evening and talk about sportsball.) *this is the nebulous idea of non-involvement interests.*
It says something about us as men (me) when idea of change is more difficult than the head-down grind we're (I'm) used to.
This month I've tried to focus on "WHY" I do and think the things I do?
Is it because that's what I saw from my father so that's default position or maybe it's how I think I "should" do them?
Or is it because I've got a problem and I'm projecting it?
Or can I give myself permission to do it or think it in a different way and just be happy without justification to some inner monologue?
You know: letter of the rule vs spirit of the rule type thinking.
I think if I can analyze my motivations it'll be easier to change than to just "force it"... Because that's working as well as Sisyphus and that little rock of his...
My 1st observation is I need to detatch my personal value from physical accomplishments.
My 2nd is I need to treat others not how I want to be treated but how they would want to be treated.
Easier said than done, but I think me and my people will be happier for it.
I've been rolling around a few thoughts. Maybe if I put them out there it'll help me or someone else too... 🤷♂️
I've found all my good friends I've trauma bonded with over miserable type #2 fun. I can't imagine trying to make new deep lasting friendships with people (who like to play board games in the evening and talk about sportsball.) *this is the nebulous idea of non-involvement interests.*
It says something about us as men (me) when idea of change is more difficult than the head-down grind we're (I'm) used to.
This month I've tried to focus on "WHY" I do and think the things I do?
Is it because that's what I saw from my father so that's default position or maybe it's how I think I "should" do them?
Or is it because I've got a problem and I'm projecting it?
Or can I give myself permission to do it or think it in a different way and just be happy without justification to some inner monologue?
You know: letter of the rule vs spirit of the rule type thinking.
I think if I can analyze my motivations it'll be easier to change than to just "force it"... Because that's working as well as Sisyphus and that little rock of his...
My 1st observation is I need to detatch my personal value from physical accomplishments.
My 2nd is I need to treat others not how I want to be treated but how they would want to be treated.
Easier said than done, but I think me and my people will be happier for it.
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Tonkaman
Well-Known Member
- Location
- West Jordan
This is interesting. What do you mean by this?
glockman
I hate Jeep trucks
- Location
- Pleasant Grove
All good stuff Stratton. I'm kind of in a phase going the opposite direction.
To your point, I think most of us men have a mid life pause and re-assess. You grind when you are young because you don't have a choice. You hit a point in mid life (hopefully) where you don't HAVE to grind so you slow down and try and figure out why you do what you do. I certainly did this and it showed me that searching for happiness is a fools errand. Being present and enjoying it when it comes is the sweet spot but the things I thought I was only doing because I didn't have a choice, those things are what bring me the most purpose and purpose is the best aim.
I see this a lot in relationships with women. I am pretty logic driven and maybe slightly Aspergery. I want to have the facts with all emotion removed so I can make a sound decision. ALL the women in my life want nothing to do with facts or reality and want to be treated based on how they feel. I fail constantly at the platinum rule.
To your point, I think most of us men have a mid life pause and re-assess. You grind when you are young because you don't have a choice. You hit a point in mid life (hopefully) where you don't HAVE to grind so you slow down and try and figure out why you do what you do. I certainly did this and it showed me that searching for happiness is a fools errand. Being present and enjoying it when it comes is the sweet spot but the things I thought I was only doing because I didn't have a choice, those things are what bring me the most purpose and purpose is the best aim.
I've seen and heard this referred to as the platinum rule vs the golden rule. Golden rule being, treat others how you want to be treated.
I see this a lot in relationships with women. I am pretty logic driven and maybe slightly Aspergery. I want to have the facts with all emotion removed so I can make a sound decision. ALL the women in my life want nothing to do with facts or reality and want to be treated based on how they feel. I fail constantly at the platinum rule.
- Location
- Grantsville, Utah
Ditto
- Location
- The Land Northward (Bountiful), Utah
A little bit love language, a little bit third person self-observation.
The way I want to be treated (in my marriage for example) is vastly different to how my wife would want to be treated.
It's not a guessing game (although some/ most gals it is often) it's a candid conversation, "what is important to you when you and I interact?"
I want more facts and logic information in conversation, I want respect and my love language is physical affection. If I gave her what I want, she would be unfulfilled.
My kids want quality time, validation, forgiveness for mistakes and understanding.
I realized that giving the other person what they emotionally need (within reason) makes me a better human. And on the flip side withholding that because I'm not good at it or because it's not my communication style...makes me emotionally sedentary.
If I want logic, I must give her emotional depth. It's not a give- take it's a give-give and we both get our cups filled.... If only I was better at it 🤦
It's my litmus test: if my people are often happy and want to be around me: maybe I'm not a delta bravo... If they are unhappy (because of me), I've got some changes to make.
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I wish I had realized this 25 years ago. I think both (my likely soon to be x) wife and I both spent years giving love in the ways we felt it and those same years not feeling loved by the other. The more we poured out love the less good it did. We didn't understand how the other needed to feel loved. It was never a matter of love or desire to love, we were just speaking such different languages that we never connected the dots. Then you either get smart enough to realize it and fix it, or get resentful and grow apart.
Sorry to hear this man. Went through something similar ~10 years ago. The best thing I did was reconnect with friends, hop on a mountain bike as much as possible and find projects to keep the mind busy. We were lucky and reconciled our differences and came back together even stronger after a few years apart but I know not everybody has that outcome. The absolute worst thing you can do is bury yourself in booze or destructive behavior.
I'm not all that far from you, probably just over a couple hours. If you ever need to get out of town, hit me up.
I lost my mom to cancer back in January. She did not fight it so it was a fairly short and quick bout.
This made me shift my paradigm with a lot of attitude towards how I’m spending my life, and what made me finally follow through with my dream of wanting to make it to the Great Barrier Reef.
Today, my dad just lost his lifelong best friend (since they were little kids) due to lung failure after receiving a double lung transplant about 1.5 years ago.
Life is short; hug your loved ones, take the vacation trips you want, check off items on your bucket list and make the most of your time you have.
This made me shift my paradigm with a lot of attitude towards how I’m spending my life, and what made me finally follow through with my dream of wanting to make it to the Great Barrier Reef.
Today, my dad just lost his lifelong best friend (since they were little kids) due to lung failure after receiving a double lung transplant about 1.5 years ago.
Life is short; hug your loved ones, take the vacation trips you want, check off items on your bucket list and make the most of your time you have.
- Location
- Stinkwater
Sorry to hear this. I hope it's not beyond repair, you're both good peeps.
I've had to learn how to love my wife, too. We went a lot of years just kinda cruising and it worked, but for some reason things have gotten stickier the past couple years and there's been some tension. I think we caught it in time and we're working it out.
Turns out my great grandad had a couple wives. Got married in Colorado, had a bunch of kids. Married a second, younger wife and went to 'serve a mission' with the new wife in Hawaii. Old wife and Kids stayed in Colorado. Apparently there is some bad blood between the lineage lines now
One side of my line moved to Mexico when it was made illegal here. The Romney side. Yes, that Romney 😬
Spork
Tin Foil Hat Equipped
- Location
- Saratoga Springs, UT
This talk about ancestors, and the multiple wives make me think back to my Great+4 grandmother Sarah, she had an abusive husband in England and most accounts just say he died without much detail. It's hard to find why... I finally found one account that he killed himself. She ended up taking the 5 kids and coming here, pushed a handcart with the 5 kids in tow. I guess it makes you think what do we do with ourselves. How much are we willing to put up with and how much are we willing to push on.
There's definitely times when I've struggled with my marriage, thought I'm dragging the wagon by myself, and times when I don't think it's going to get better but I push on. It might not always be obvious but people need you.
There's definitely times when I've struggled with my marriage, thought I'm dragging the wagon by myself, and times when I don't think it's going to get better but I push on. It might not always be obvious but people need you.
You’re too tall to be related to the Romneys. One of his kids build a home down the road from me. Pretty modest for a Romney trust fundie but he did haul in a mountain of dirt to hide his home from the road view.
- Location
- Grantsville, Utah
BROSEPH!!!
glockman
I hate Jeep trucks
- Location
- Pleasant Grove
We all have life dysmorphia. If you think about the fact that your great grandparents probably only had a handful of hot baths in their lifetime, it puts our current life situations into perspective. We all knew a spoiled rich kid who had everything given to them and was legitimately miserable. We are all the spoiled rich kid in the scope of all humanity. Thanks for listening to my TED Talk. I have to repeat it to myself multiple times per week to pull me out of my anger at the smallest inconvenience.
You, and a small handful of other RME’ers could make some TED talks that I’d gladly listen to.
glockman
I hate Jeep trucks
- Location
- Pleasant Grove
Thanks Chance thats quite a compliment in my book.