Phase I:
Last Thursday I went hunting for why I was having such a hard time starting the Trooper. Step one was to pull the plugs; and what did I find? Coolant in four of the six cylinders! Oh, boy… This also explains why when I'd start it on these cold days my exhaust condensation plume was so big. I hadn't really thought much of it because just like normal, once the engine warmed up a bit, it'd go away. BUT, this also suggests that this is not a blown head gasket situation, but rather something worse. Like the head bolts were not properly torqued by the machine shop, or that the head is warped. Now, in the ~600 miles that I've run the engine since reinstalling it, it's never overheated and one would assume that if the heads were warped, I'd have noticed this pretty much right away (also, I'd like to think that the shop would have checked that) so I'm leaning toward the torque issue because that makes the most sense. If it were blown gaskets, I'd be seeing white smoke all the time. Also, the probability of BOTH gaskets going out at the same time is slim. With the bolts not being torqued, when the engine is cool, gaps form and coolant leaks in, when it heats up, it expands and closes the gaps and everything "seems" to be running normal again.
I spoke with the machine shop right away, to their credit thus far they are accepting responsibility. Supposedly today they will be letting me know what auto shop that they want me to take it to for the repair work to be done (they repeatedly have told me that they are machinists, not mechanics). As one can assume, I'm really not happy with their work. But as long as they make it right, we'll be square.