I was Just Reading The Guidelines....

[StrobeNGH]

Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer and Seagal are all pansies.
Has any of them had a kidney transplant? No.
Two Kidney transplants? No.
Two kids by C-Section? No.
Had 13 surgeries by age 15? No.
Had 2 Strokes 3 months apart that should of killed them? No.
Had several arteries collapsed and a lung partially collapsed plus a infection in their heart? No.
Lived with my parents? No.
Married to me? No.

My wife kicks all their butts hands down. End of discussion. Mods please kill any future Chuck Norris threads. Thank you.



FYI- Angie has been walking with a walker once a day with assistance, going farther and farther each time. We have about 3 months to get Angie walking, talking and flipping me off. Then we get a go or no go for kidney transplant!!!

You have angered Chuck.

Chuck will find you.

This will be the last thing you will ever see:

 

[StrobeNGH]

Jack Bauer once forgot where he left his car keys.

He tortured himself for an hour until he found them.

 

[Zombie]

Married to me?

Oh snap... he might be on to something here.

Thats great news Joe. I hope things continue in this trend.

 

[Cody]

After a hard night drinking, Chuck Norris doesn't throw up.

Chuck throws down.

 

[cannoncrawler]

SUPERMAN wears chuck norris pajamas.

 

[Brett]

Jack doesn't get morning wood. He gets morning steel. Stainless steel.

 

[JoeT]

Chuck Norris gets his guns from Master Chief.

 

[JoeT]

Jack doesn't get morning wood. He gets morning steel. Stainless steel.

Personnal experience?

 

[Jay5.9L]

When Chuck Norris jumps in the ocean he does not get wet...the ocean gets Norris.

Chuck Norris eats steel and craps total gyms.

 

[Kiel]

My wife kicks all their butts hands down. End of discussion. Mods please kill any future Chuck Norris threads. Thank you.

Glad to hear your wife is doing better, but even the mods can't stop a thread about Chuck Norris...He is that fast

 

[Cody]

Chuck norris clogs the toilet when he pees.

 

[Cody]

The most dangerous act in the world is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit I'm Feelin Lucky.

 

[StrobeNGH]

Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer live because Mr. T allows it.

 

[Brett]

Pandora actually opened Bauer's Box.

The answer to the question "what happens when a strong force hits an immoveable object" has never been answered because nothing that has crossed Jack Bauer's path has lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer is so badass, his gun reloads itself out of fear.

If Jack Bauer tells you to get out of the room because you don't want to see what he's about to do, you better stay your ass in that room because you're about to witness the most shockingly awesome thing you've ever seen.

Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Jack Bauer's mind. Now he's sitting in a wheel chair.

Because of Jack Bauer's role in Phone Booth, not only do terrorists avoid phone booths, but they refer to them as Jack in the Boxes.

If O.J. ever met Jack Bauer, he'd confess.

 

[Cody]

Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.

Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird

 

[Devel]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

 

[Brett]

Despite being white, Jack Bauer was admitted into the Black Panthers not only for his amazing ability, but also because his name rhymes with "Black Power".

 

[StrobeNGH]

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

 

[StrobeNGH]

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

 

[Brett]