If I rant about....

[James K]

If she'd only known.....

shudda up you

 

[jet_aj]

HOLY COW, I agree with cody. I've had a hard time my entire dating 'career' finding a girl about my age (23) that is not divorced, got baggage or whatever... I'm still working on it. I agree with the whole "Pressure to get married young". I've had it my whole life, but I'm just and not willing to do whatever everyone tells me to do if I don't feel good about it. I went to school with several people that got married within a year after graduation (and one that got married a week before we graduated )...
I was sitting there thinking to my self.. "self these people have got to be crazy. they havent even experienced life and they are already getting themselves tied down." Don't get me wrong, when I was 18 I was in love with a little gal and was totally ok with getting married at the time... now I am glad we didn't. I would have missed out on so much growing up on my own that I really needed . I have lived on my own basically since I was 19 and have a lot more responsibility. I may not me too much more than a kid still, but you gotta stay young at heart or you get old and die! :greg:
And just to touch on the whole "sex before married" topic... Taboo was when i was 15... but as i've grown in age, so have I in the idea's of it. You HAVE to be open about it or your bound to regret something!
I am glad I didnt settle on one girl I thought i loved a couple years back. There was a TON of sexual tension all the time between us. If I would have married her just because of LUST I probably would also be one of those on Anti-Depressants or another divorce number. and after realizing that I realized she was TOTALLY NOT one I could stand to marry... SEX ISN'T EVERYTHING in a relationship, but if you can get past it either being good or bad or if you are similar, I think it makes finding out who she really is easier, as it has been for the last little gal I've been dating. In my opinion its better to find out if you have similar sexual desires before marriage then after. Who would want to be in a relationship where their parter is not fulfilling ALL of your needs? And don't get mad at me and say "well my religion/parents say" because I was told to wait till marriage my whole life, and I am LDS. As much as I believe in the church's teachings, I still have to form my own opinions, I think we all should.
Again this is just my opinion about it and I'm not saying you have to agree, but it is how I feel.

 

[Paul R]

Well I guess I'll post up...
I guess I'll start off by saying that I'm 22 and I'm getting married in 2 days. I couldn't be happier. I can definitely see that the Utah culture is to get married young... But I can honestly say that the churches teachings have nothing with me getting married at this time in my life... I always thought that I would get married a lot later and I think I could have been happy with that too, but I know that I have found the one person that I feel like myself around and everything just feels right about it. I love her and have no desire to be with anyone else... I have a great job and so does she and we both have great goals and plans to achieve them together. We are both in school, and have no plans or desires to produce offspring any time real soon. We want to adjust to being married and get through school before we rush into anything. I have no doubts that she is not mature and I am not even the slightest bit nervous that it just isn't going to work out. I guess that is the main reason I have chosen to get married "so young." I have never felt more confident about anything. I have no doubts that by getting married she will enhance who I already am (and yes I do feel like I know who I am and what I want in life) and help me to do better.

...Just my side of the story

 

[Greg]

Well I guess I'll post up...
I guess I'll start off by saying that I'm 22 and I'm getting married in 2 days. I couldn't be happier. I can definitely see that the Utah culture is to get married young... But I can honestly say that the churches teachings have nothing with me getting married at this time in my life... I always thought that I would get married a lot later and I think I could have been happy with that too, but I know that I have found the one person that I feel like myself around and everything just feels right about it. I love her and have no desire to be with anyone else... I have a great job and so does she and we both have great goals and plans to achieve them together. We are both in school, and have no plans or desires to produce offspring any time real soon. We want to adjust to being married and get through school before we rush into anything. I have no doubts that she is not mature and I am not even the slightest bit nervous that it just isn't going to work out. I guess that is the main reason I have chosen to get married "so young." I have never felt more confident about anything. I have no doubts that by getting married she will enhance who I already am (and yes I do feel like I know who I am and what I want in life) and help me to do better.

...Just my side of the story

Good for you!

 

[Fuller]

I've been back on the scene for almost two years now and I totally know what you mean. Having been that guy at one point in time being hounded by the woman I know to never...ever...allow that to happen ever again.

Finding single women, without kids, financially secure is a chore to say the least. Screwed up Mormon girls with children and no financial plan are a dime a dozen in this state...no thanks! I'm glad we decided to be smart and not reproduce immediately.

yep i am going through this right now we had been married for 4 years and never had kids and am glad i feel screwed enough as it is.

 

[Cody]

Perhaps my viewpoint is biased. I can see lots of successful marriages that were formed when they were young--and I applaud you. I really do. But, if you were in my shoes you would see a different world. I'm almost 27 and I would say that of the last 10 girls i've dated they break down like this.

3 were 21-22--no baggage. Had no idea of who they are. They think they do, but you dig a little deaper and it's all theory. I thought I had things figured out reasonably well when I was that age too so in a couple years I'm sure they'll be ok. But, we're in totally different places in life. I had nothing in common with them. Talking to them was like talking to a drying wall of paint.

6 were 23-28. 4 divorced. 3 with at least 1 kid. A couple of them were interesting, but had baggage (which isn't necessarily a deal breaker) that prevented our lifestyles and schedules to permit anything other than hanging out once in awhile.

1 was/is 33. Divorced, 2 kids (11, 9). Pretty freakin cool actually but has her hands full raising her kids and supporting herself. Every other week is a no go since she has her kids, and being that I'm not exactly father material I'm not going to go hang out like a replacement dad during those weeks.


so when 50% of the dating pool is divorced, and 50% have kids, you begin to form oppinions about the nature of marriage--especially in Utah. Maybe thats why my viewpoint is skewed the opposite direction.

 

[Fuller]

you know what i am actually glad to read this thread. it is giving me an insight on what to expect and frankly its not looking to good lol

 

[Cody]

you just have to be patient. I don't go out looking for girls. I go out to hang out with my friends and have a good time. Occasionally I'll run into a girl. I would say I go on a "date" about once every 4-6 weeks. I just don't care anymore and don't require companionship. I have just enough money to fund my own lifestyle--I don't need to subsidize someone else's

Actually, I don't have enough $$ for my lifestyle. If I did I would have a buggy and a tow rig again.

If you go out "looking" for a girl then you're probably going to be dissapointed with the results.

 

[newtoy]

If you go out "looking" for a girl then you're probably going to be dissapointed with the results.

That is true you don't find "love" it finds you.

good luck with that whole tow rig buggy thing

 

[Spork]

That is true you don't find "love" it finds you.

good luck with that whole tow rig buggy thing

Yea but sitting in an office full of men and never doing anything outside of work probably is going to hurt your chances of find love with a girl...

 

[StrobeNGH]

I do not believe that the trend of young marriages is the problem. I used to . . . but now that I've been married for a few years, I think I have a better idea of what the problem is (prepare to be wowed!!!)
And for the record, the LDS church does NOT teach that people should get married while young. The church teaches that people should get married when the time is right for them. It is an individual choice.


If you want to talk about what the real problem with marriage in this state is: let's talk about the refusal of so many to cut the umbilical cord.
How many people do you know who got married, and lived in their parents basement for the first few years of marriage?
Most of my friends who have been divorced moved in with their parents, or in-laws, right after they got married.

I don't think that the key to success in marriage is getting married when you are older, or when you are established . . .
I think that they key is finding someone you love and trust completely, and being willing to cut the apron strings and strike out on your own.

If you don't learn to trust and depend on each other, how do you suppose that you will ever last?

There is nothing wrong with being young, married, poor, and in school (with or without children).
In fact, it's probably good for you.

 

[cruiseroutfit]

...3 were 21-22--no baggage. Had no idea of who they are. They think they do, but you dig a little deaper and it's all theory. I thought I had things figured out reasonably well when I was that age too so in a couple years I'm sure they'll be ok. But, we're in totally different places in life. I had nothing in common with them. Talking to them was like talking to a drying wall of paint...

I prefer to look at them as "trainables"


Serisously though, its interesting just how many of the 25+ males are on one hand thinking they did the right thing and did not marry early... while commenting on the amount of damaged goods on the market and lack of future Ms SoandSo candidates. I hear it all the time... I'd say 75% of my freinds are single, while some are dating... a good chunk of them are just playing the field.

I was married at 25, not a moment too soon IMO... and not a moment too late either I had plenty of time to get my life in order, before merging it with my wifes. For check she is 2 year younger than I am. We've only been married a year now, but things have been great!

I spent this last weekend with 4 dudes, all single... We spent a considerable amount of time talking about women, divorce, life in general.... I won't name names, but I'll discuss their situations,

Dude A - My age (26), never married, complaining about lack of available prospects, similar aspect as many here on RME.

Dude B - ~30, never been married (that he mentioned), dating an nice gal with a kid. He mentioned the difficulties in finding gals when 25+ range

Dude C - ~40, married & div. twice, dating again.

Dude D - ~70, divorced and looking... wants to find a gal to adventure with him... the search is on.

While stats say 40% of those married at younger ages will divorce, and only 24% of those older will divorce... How many over 25 will never marry? I know a handful of 30+ year olds that have never married. Say 10% never, will, so your now at 34% of 25+ year olds will not have a sucsessful marriage. Now figure the fact that some of that 40% would have also divorced if they waited longer... afterall age can't account for all of that 40% number. Before long your numbers are bunk... its all relative.

So, you either take your chance at young sucsess (60%) or take your chance with a dwindling selection as time progresses.

 

[cruiseroutfit]

Oh, one more thing about Utahs lower than national average marriage age... Utah is also pretty much right on the mark for the national average divorce rate... (3.7 per 1000 people for Utah, 3.6 nationally)

So while nationally younger marriages fail more often, it doesn't necissarily meanso in Utah?

 

[yellowbronco]

Would anyone be offended if I rant about people who rant about other people getting married too young while simultaneously complaining that all the good chicks are taken?

Perhaps my viewpoint is biased. I can see lots of successful marriages that were formed when they were young--and I applaud you. I really do. But, if you were in my shoes you would see a different world. I'm almost 27 and I would say that of the last 10 girls i've dated they break down like this.

3 were 21-22--no baggage. Had no idea of who they are. They think they do, but you dig a little deaper and it's all theory. I thought I had things figured out reasonably well when I was that age too so in a couple years I'm sure they'll be ok. But, we're in totally different places in life. I had nothing in common with them. Talking to them was like talking to a drying wall of paint.

6 were 23-28. 4 divorced. 3 with at least 1 kid. A couple of them were interesting, but had baggage (which isn't necessarily a deal breaker) that prevented our lifestyles and schedules to permit anything other than hanging out once in awhile.

1 was/is 33. Divorced, 2 kids (11, 9). Pretty freakin cool actually but has her hands full raising her kids and supporting herself. Every other week is a no go since she has her kids, and being that I'm not exactly father material I'm not going to go hang out like a replacement dad during those weeks.


so when 50% of the dating pool is divorced, and 50% have kids, you begin to form oppinions about the nature of marriage--especially in Utah. Maybe thats why my viewpoint is skewed the opposite direction.

Maybe you are just choosing skanky hoes to date...

 

[yellowbronco]

I cant tell a HUGE difference in the marrige conflict between utah and colorado. Meaning, while living in Colorado there are A LOT of divorced people with several kids. Its unbelievable, I dont know if its getting married to young or that Colorado has a very good social scene and TONS of temptations around every corner. Since I have lived in Utah I have noticed that there is an UNBELIEVABLE pressure to get married and pop out a few kids in a very short amount of time and very young. I never noticed this much of a trend in Colorado.

I agree, it seems like there is this weird pressure to get married in Utah, whereas in the great state of CO. I never felt that...




Maybe Cody, you should move to another state and get out of the situation to get a fresh perspective

 

[Cody]

While stats say 40% of those married at younger ages will divorce, and only 24% of those older will divorce... How many over 25 will never marry? I know a handful of 30+ year olds that have never married. Say 10% never, will, so your now at 34% of 25+ year olds will not have a sucsessful marriage. Now figure the fact that some of that 40% would have also divorced if they waited longer... afterall age can't account for all of that 40% number. Before long your numbers are bunk... its all relative.

does this help?

Percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 25: Males: 32%
Females: 50%
Percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 35: Males: 77%
Females: 84%
Percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 45: Males: 87%
Females: 90%
Percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 55: Both males and females: 95%

and the numbers are just what is recorded. They don't do any 'assumptive' analysis of the data.

http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml

the info is compiled through U.S. Census Bureau, National Center for Health Statistics, Americans for Divorce Reform, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Institute for Equality in Marriage, American Association for Single People, Ameristat, Public Agenda

 

[jet_aj]

Well I guess I'll post up...
I guess I'll start off by saying that I'm 22 and I'm getting married in 2 days. I couldn't be happier. .... I love her and have no desire to be with anyone else... I have a great job and so does she and we both have great goals and plans to achieve them together. We are both in school, and have no plans or desires to produce offspring any time real soon. We want to adjust to being married and get through school before we rush into anything. I have no doubts that she is not mature and I am not even the slightest bit nervous that it just isn't going to work out. I guess that is the main reason I have chosen to get married "so young." I have never felt more confident about anything. I have no doubts that by getting married she will enhance who I already am (and yes I do feel like I know who I am and what I want in life) and help me to do better.

CONGRATS!!!

This is the side of the situation that I would have to agree with you, if your both mature enough, and seem to agree on the fact that marriage alone is tough and need to wait for children I applaud you! That alone (especially while in school) shows the great amount of maturity you both have. And just a note 22 isn't "young" in my perspective of this topic, I am 23. I just have seen the 17, 18, 19 year olds that are getting married and think my goodness, you are still attached to the umbilical cord... and I agree with StrobeNGH on that one...

I guess I just look at the hardships of my oldest brother that married at 18, and started having kids. They have now been married for 15 years (2 kids) but they have had a LOT of hardships to overcome. Especially in the first 5 years. Then I look at my other brother that married when he was 25, have been married for about 3 years and are more secure financially than my other brother ever has been. I just see how well established my one brother (married 3 years) was before he got married and relate to that i guess. again this is just how i see it.

 

[Milner]

Cody's just doomed to be the grumpy old man that sits on his front porch and throughs beer cans at the nieghbor kids if the walk on his lawn

So want happened with the girl you were talking to the other night??

 

[Kiel]

Cody's just doomed to be the grumpy old man that sits on his front porch and throughs beer cans at the nieghbor kids if the walk on his lawn

So want happened with the girl you were talking to the other night??

Probably had too much baggage, or she was a dude

 

[Seth]

Sometimes I really wonder if Cody is reading my mind.