Yeah man that’s imposter syndrome and it sucks! When I thought both my wife and I were losing our jobs in March I was freaking out because I didn’t feel like I could find another job. It comes in waves and it’s weird.
Mental health: it’s ok to talk.
- Thread starter jeeper
- Start date
If you lose your job I’ll be your sugar daddy!
Tonkaman
Well-Known Member
- Location
- West Jordan
Nate, thanks for trusting us with your thoughts. I know we’re all just a bunch of pretend internet buddies, but we really do care.
Keep in mind that feeling “bad” or “good” is a spectrum. We all lie somewhere on that scale and it changes moment to moment every day. We’re all there with you finding ourselves lost on that spectrum, but not all of us take the time to vocalize it. Im not trying to say you won’t get there, but rather don’t beat yourself up for not being on the good end of things all the time.
I think we’re all a bit self loathing and afraid of judgment. Trust me when I say, you’re not getting those negative feelings from any of your RME or ExpUT friends. Keep your chin up, we’re all rooting for your happiness 👍
- Location
- Grantsville, Utah
- Location
- Grantsville, Utah
I mentioned earlier in this thread that spending my days outside at work this last year has been huge for my mood. The other thing that has helped a ton is fire. Man was meant to have fire. I see it in my students who’ve never stood around a burn barrel or gone camping.
Get yourself a fire and some sunlight. It really does help.
Get yourself a fire and some sunlight. It really does help.
- Location
- Stinkwater
It has been useful for me to remind myself of this, in pretty much every phase. Everybody has their own struggles, and those struggles can seem huge. I'm learning not to judge others based on external signs of how they're dealing with that, because what's happening behind the scenes can have way more import than what's visible. And I'm learning not to judge myself based on what I know of my own struggles vs what I see in others, for the same reason. I'm doing the best I know how to do with the knowledge and resources that I have, and so are the rest of you, and I think that's rad.
I know buying a house with an actual wood fireplace is pretty rare but I wish I had one. I love sitting in camp late into the night staring into the flames. I've got an outdoor deal, but I wish I had one in the house too. I'd love to cozy up next to the fireplace with a book.
- Location
- Sandy, Ut
So true! A good friend of mine uses a campfire as a way to really get to know other humans. For example, if some potential business partners are coming in from overseas, he'll plan a night to buzz down to Moab or the Swell to set around a campfire just to really get to know them.
Another friend gets super scientific behind the psyche of the human brain when it stairs at a fire, particularly in remote places away from mobile phones, internet and other distractions. He feels there is actually a business model to be had providing this for Fortune 500 execs as part of bigger team building/ropes course type experience. The fire each night is where the real connections are made. Many more layers to it but he's like to launch a business out of it all and he has the resources and connections to make it a real thing.
- Location
- Never Far From Nowhere
The fact that our house has a wood burning fireplace was a big selling point for us.
Sadly, the previous owner hadn't used it for years and when we had a chimney sweep come out for a cleaning he found that the fire box was badly damaged and needed to be rebuilt. The bill for that job? $5,000! I'm sure it's something I could figure out how to do, but finding the time is the killer. So for now we just put candles in there for ambiance.
- Location
- Grantsville, Utah
I’m always shocked at how many of my students and peer facilitators haven’t spent time around a fire. I absolutely believe your friend is on to something with that team building idea.
Makes sense. I start talking to myself sitting at my fire.
- Location
- Sandy, Ut
Sounds like we need to get together and do a quick/dirty west desert campfire!
Ya brother, I feel you. When you feel like you give everything you mentally and physically have (to the clear detriment to your mental and physical health), yet other people around you seemingly do less and get more, it's pretty discouraging. Clocking in to a normal 8-6 sure sounds nice these days...
I've been poking around at job listings recently trying to see what kind of contingency plan I need to have in place, and I feel this. I've been self employed for so long (12 years) and the job I had before hand I didn't feel I was very good at, so I read all these listings and I'm like "shit, I don't know how to do that". I'm good at figuring things out, but there aren't a lot of job listings that include "in lieu of actual experience and quantifiable results, the ability to figure things out will work". Shame ha ha.
glockman
I hate Jeep trucks
- Location
- Pleasant Grove
It's odd how our brains work. This has been possibly the best year of my life but also been pretty rough in a couple places. My eternal pessimism keeps me waiting for the cliff where it all falls out from under me. I am fully self aware of this trait and I try to focus on living in the moment because happiness is fleeting and I know I need to soak it in while it lasts. Nevertheless the sense of doom is always in the back of my mind.
One thing that has been ringing true to me this year is that happiness is not a good thing to aim towards. Purpose is. Being middle aged and possibly in a mid life crisis, I feel like the clock is ticking and I stopped doing things that I found purpose in because I felt it was a waste of my most limited resource, time. Why change the oil, work on the jeep or the house when you can be doing something fun. What I found was those things brought purpose to my life and like staring at a fire, they are pretty meditative. Over the last month I have been doing more stuff to be useful and it has reminded me how critical that is to my overall well being.
@nnnnnate I don't know if this helps but when I picked that saw up from you, I left your neighborhood thinking you must be killing it to live in such a nice place. Pat yourself on the back man. You deserve it. I'd guess a big part of your business anxiety is that you hold yourself to a much higher standard than you hold others. Look at the quality of work people charge insane amounts for. I'm sure you wouldn't feel comfortable with what most people pay for most things if you were the one doing the work. That is evidence of your self imposed high standard.
One thing you also have to consider, RME is like a conglomerate of exceptional men. The general population cannot do what this community can. I am constantly humbled by the ability this group of dudes posses. Comparing your skills to RME in any one of 2 dozen tasks is like comparing your income to the top 1%.
One thing that has been ringing true to me this year is that happiness is not a good thing to aim towards. Purpose is. Being middle aged and possibly in a mid life crisis, I feel like the clock is ticking and I stopped doing things that I found purpose in because I felt it was a waste of my most limited resource, time. Why change the oil, work on the jeep or the house when you can be doing something fun. What I found was those things brought purpose to my life and like staring at a fire, they are pretty meditative. Over the last month I have been doing more stuff to be useful and it has reminded me how critical that is to my overall well being.
@nnnnnate I don't know if this helps but when I picked that saw up from you, I left your neighborhood thinking you must be killing it to live in such a nice place. Pat yourself on the back man. You deserve it. I'd guess a big part of your business anxiety is that you hold yourself to a much higher standard than you hold others. Look at the quality of work people charge insane amounts for. I'm sure you wouldn't feel comfortable with what most people pay for most things if you were the one doing the work. That is evidence of your self imposed high standard.
One thing you also have to consider, RME is like a conglomerate of exceptional men. The general population cannot do what this community can. I am constantly humbled by the ability this group of dudes posses. Comparing your skills to RME in any one of 2 dozen tasks is like comparing your income to the top 1%.
- Location
- The Village of Kay
Tonight is good for my soul.
I hear you on the things that give you purpose. Wood turning does that for me. So does mowing the lawn and weeding the gardens.
The local turning club does a Christmas exchange that I was pretty excited about. Take something you've made and then get something from someone else at random. I picked a bag with a bowl from a guy I really look up to who has given me some really good advice this last year about shape and finishing and whatnot. The bowl he made didn't get the treatment I thought it would and while its a nice shape, there is a bunch of tear out on the inside and is still rough in places. That's the crap that drives me nuts while I'm finishing a bowl because it takes so long to sand out and get through it. I feel like I have to do it though because its the first thing that someone will see or feel when they pick it up to inspect it.
My wife found a tree for me to pick up to turn. (If you know anything about my wife you'd know that alone is surprising.) I went down to AF yesterday afternoon and cut up this beast of an english walnut tree. 28"+ diameter at the base, over 8' tall. It took me a long time to process it enough that I could load it in the truck, and I'm feeling it this morning, but its also really satisfying. The soreness and stiffness reminds me I worked for it. I've still got a lot of work to do before it'll be ready for my lathe but I'm looking forward to that as well.
ChestonScout
opinions are like Jeeps..
- Location
- Clinton, Ut
Did you guys hear about the lady that was hit and killed on highway 89 in south Weber a week and half ago?
It was one of my best friends after high school.
She was one the happiest people I’ve ever met. She talked me off a cliff on a couple different occasions.
We pretty much lost contact when I got married but would talk occasionally. It’s probably been a couple years since anything more than a FB happy birthday post.
Apparently it was a suicide. I don’t know details but she has had a rough go with an abusive marriage. Sounds like at least alcohol may have been a factor.
She would be the last person I have ever met that I would think would do that.
Super sad.
Her older sister was murdered by a ex boyfriend 25ish years ago. Feel bad for her parents. I can’t imagine having to bury 2 of 3 kids.
Jen left behind 3 kids as well.
Just a reminder (mostly for me) to talk. It’s ok. It will help. Even though talking is stupid
It was one of my best friends after high school.
She was one the happiest people I’ve ever met. She talked me off a cliff on a couple different occasions.
We pretty much lost contact when I got married but would talk occasionally. It’s probably been a couple years since anything more than a FB happy birthday post.
Apparently it was a suicide. I don’t know details but she has had a rough go with an abusive marriage. Sounds like at least alcohol may have been a factor.
She would be the last person I have ever met that I would think would do that.
Super sad.
Her older sister was murdered by a ex boyfriend 25ish years ago. Feel bad for her parents. I can’t imagine having to bury 2 of 3 kids.
Jen left behind 3 kids as well.
Just a reminder (mostly for me) to talk. It’s ok. It will help. Even though talking is stupid
- Location
- Grantsville, Utah
That’s freakin rough. That would shake me, if I was in your shoes, and it’s okay if it does. It means she had a positive affect on your life. People like that deserved to be honored.
Houndoc
Registered User
- Location
- Grantsville
One of the hardest things of mental health is that it isn't visible.
Some one coughing, limping or whatever you can see there is a problem and can encourage them to seek care. Most mental health struggles are invisible to the rest of us until it is too late.
Some one coughing, limping or whatever you can see there is a problem and can encourage them to seek care. Most mental health struggles are invisible to the rest of us until it is too late.