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Mental health: it’s ok to talk.

Houndoc

Houndoc

Registered User
Location
Grantsville
UNSTUCK said:
I see that I was the last to post on this thread. Maybe I do have a problem.

I hate Christmas.

I mean, I love what it stands for. Why we actually celebrate it. I have a strong relationship with Christ. I'd love for Christmas to be about Him.

The last conversation I had with my dad was Christmas day, 2000. He had just been admitted to the ER early that morning. My brother and I gave him a blessing and he told us where all the gifts were hidden and who got what. He kept apologizing to us for ruining Christmas. We said our "see you laters" and headed home, with my mom. About 2 hours later, after opening gifts and having breakfast, a nurse called and said he was not doing so well and we should come see him. That was code for, "he just died, but we plugged him in so he's technically not dead yet". I was 21 years old and 4 days home from my mission. I start thinking about him a lot in December. What I've missed out on.

My family is spending Christmas weekend in my wife's sister's "cabin". It's not a cabin. It's a house, larger than one I will ever own. We have done lots of Christmas's together. They are tough. My income this year is lower than it has been in years. I knew it would be this way when I signed on, so that's on me. Christmas gifts this year are slimmer than they normally are. And they are normally slim anyways. It will take about 5 minutes for my kids to open their gifts. If it's anything like past years, we will spend the next hour or so watching them continue to open gift after gift. That's hard to watch. My wife doesn't think about these things when she gets invited. She just jumps on anything that sounds like fun. Meanwhile my kids will be looking at me like what the heck. They'll have a few "needs" wrapped up. I don't think any "wants". We literally had a shopping cart at Target last night 1/4 full of the most random junk for stocking stuffers. I was crossing my fingers it would be under $200. Nope. Just under $400! That stuff stresses me out so much. I told my wife to stuff my stocking with transfer case seals and bearings. Stuff I already have now so we didn't need to get me anything else. :rofl:
So don't spend Christmas with another family that lives WAAAAAAY better off than your family does. Wish me luck.

Rant over. Just needed to vent.
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That is a hard way to remember Christmas as the death anniversary of for your Dad. At the same time, it can serve as a reminder as to why it all matters so that you can see him again.
While it is wonderful to spend the holidays with family (all three of my married children and the grandkids have been at our house since Tuesday), I can see the difficulty with your sister-in-law's family. If it hasn't happened yet, it may be worth a sister to sister talk to better balance how the day is spent so no kids feel left out.
 
Houndoc

Houndoc

Registered User
Location
Grantsville
My wife and I talk frequently about the whole gift giving idea.

She grew up not well off and in a country where gifts simply were not a big thing (I suspect that has changed since) so it has always seemed to take away from a Christ centered Christmas (on a side note, I appreciate those sharing their faith in Christ in the thread). And we are now at a stage in life where we can buy what we want on our own, so asking for our kids (all of whom are either in college still or their spouse is) to get us something feels off.

However, my son has expressed a feeling that I share- it can be fun to try and find something for a family member you know they will like. I truly does make me happy to give gifts.

We have always kept our budget for gifts fairly low and in the past few years have taken family trips instead of giving presents, which have been fun but will get more difficult as the family grows.
 
UNSTUCK

UNSTUCK

But stuck more often.
glockman said:
I know we are all being vulnerable and what not but I think admitting you like Christmas music is over the line. It's like asking your buddy to check you for testicular cancer. You should only do that to people you are paying.
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Hold on now. You can’t throw TSO in the mix of radio Christmas junk that starts at like Halloween and involves hippopotamus’s, rings - but not on the phone, someone’s true love giving him some parts to a Mustang GT, and an idiot trying to turn Christmas into Swiftmas. That’s just wrong.
Now admitting that the guys in TSO have gorgeous hair, although true, would be crossing that line.
 
nnnnnate

nnnnnate

Well-Known Member
Supporting Member
Location
WVC, UT
I've struggled a lot this year with low self esteem and depression. I mentioned in the spring that we wanted to take our boys to Disneyland in 2024 and to try and make that a possibility I worked at dominos delivering pizzas. As the summer got warm, the car I was delivering in doesn't have AC so I stopped until things cooled down. During that time, and with the encouragement of a class I was required to take for my degree, I set up a website and listed bowls and plates to try and sell as an alternative to delivering pizza.

I really thought that was going to be better since I'd be working in my shop doing something I enjoyed. To try and make money from that though really took a toll on my mental health. The doubt that crept in, thinking that what I had to offer wasn't good enough, or that there weren't people out there that would appreciate these wares became almost overwhelming.

During that same time period I had a friend list 110 bowls and charcuterie boards which all sold out in less than 12 hours which made him nearly $8,000. I know because I added them all up because the self doubt was extra strong that day.

When a neighbor bought three bowls, I told myself it was only because he could see I was struggling and it was out of pity, rather than because he actually liked them.

It got closer to the "now or never" moment to plan for our trip and I didn't have much money to show for the hours at dominos or working on bowls to sell.

I saw how hard my friend had worked to engage on instagram and could see others grinding away at craft fares and other things to get an audience and while I wanted to consider it my self esteem couldn't handle the very strong possibility that it wouldn't help and I'd be out the money without any meaningful benefit to my goal. At this point I've barely broken even on the website fee and the money I spent to try and get a business licence (in vain) from the city.

I'm the end I gave a few away to good friends and sold a few more to a couple different people. I started turning bowls because I wanted a way to relax and make something with my hands. I didn't start it to make all the money. I'm feeling a bit better today about the whole trying to start a business escapade but k ow I need to stick to my initial intention to mostly give them away. I'll still have some listed I think but I can't focus on trying to sell them. I can't allow myself to equate my self worth based on how many people have gone to my website this month and how many orders I've gotten.

We plan to go to Disneyland in February but like a real American families, a lot of it has gone on a credit card. We toned down the amount of presents for the boys, and each other, as we work towards the trip and will have to continue to tighten the belt afterwards as well.

I'm feeling better today, mentally, than I have for a while. I have a good family that loves me for me and that means a lot. I also appreciate you guys that are willing to be vulnerable and share in this way. I have a friend whose dad committed suicide when he was young that I think about a lot. Especially when things are tough like they have been.

Anyway, I wish you a merry Christmas and a healthy new year.
 
N-Smooth

N-Smooth

Smooth Gang Founding Member
Location
UT
nnnnnate said:
I've struggled a lot this year with low self esteem and depression. I mentioned in the spring that we wanted to take our boys to Disneyland in 2024 and to try and make that a possibility I worked at dominos delivering pizzas. As the summer got warm, the car I was delivering in doesn't have AC so I stopped until things cooled down. During that time, and with the encouragement of a class I was required to take for my degree, I set up a website and listed bowls and plates to try and sell as an alternative to delivering pizza.

I really thought that was going to be better since I'd be working in my shop doing something I enjoyed. To try and make money from that though really took a toll on my mental health. The doubt that crept in, thinking that what I had to offer wasn't good enough, or that there weren't people out there that would appreciate these wares became almost overwhelming.

During that same time period I had a friend list 110 bowls and charcuterie boards which all sold out in less than 12 hours which made him nearly $8,000. I know because I added them all up because the self doubt was extra strong that day.

When a neighbor bought three bowls, I told myself it was only because he could see I was struggling and it was out of pity, rather than because he actually liked them.

It got closer to the "now or never" moment to plan for our trip and I didn't have much money to show for the hours at dominos or working on bowls to sell.

I saw how hard my friend had worked to engage on instagram and could see others grinding away at craft fares and other things to get an audience and while I wanted to consider it my self esteem couldn't handle the very strong possibility that it wouldn't help and I'd be out the money without any meaningful benefit to my goal. At this point I've barely broken even on the website fee and the money I spent to try and get a business licence (in vain) from the city.

I'm the end I gave a few away to good friends and sold a few more to a couple different people. I started turning bowls because I wanted a way to relax and make something with my hands. I didn't start it to make all the money. I'm feeling a bit better today about the whole trying to start a business escapade but k ow I need to stick to my initial intention to mostly give them away. I'll still have some listed I think but I can't focus on trying to sell them. I can't allow myself to equate my self worth based on how many people have gone to my website this month and how many orders I've gotten.

We plan to go to Disneyland in February but like a real American families, a lot of it has gone on a credit card. We toned down the amount of presents for the boys, and each other, as we work towards the trip and will have to continue to tighten the belt afterwards as well.

I'm feeling better today, mentally, than I have for a while. I have a good family that loves me for me and that means a lot. I also appreciate you guys that are willing to be vulnerable and share in this way. I have a friend whose dad committed suicide when he was young that I think about a lot. Especially when things are tough like they have been.

Anyway, I wish you a merry Christmas and a healthy new year.
Click to expand...
Imposter syndrome is the real deal at our age, you’re definitely not alone in that. It’s easy to doubt what you have and whether it’s worth something or that a plan will work etc. That really gets to me as well. Your bowls are rad and I still want one like I said forever ago- I just never followed up. Is it best to get it on your site (what is it?) or just through PM?
 
J

J-mobzz

Well-Known Member
nnnnnate said:
I've struggled a lot this year with low self esteem and depression. I mentioned in the spring that we wanted to take our boys to Disneyland in 2024 and to try and make that a possibility I worked at dominos delivering pizzas. As the summer got warm, the car I was delivering in doesn't have AC so I stopped until things cooled down. During that time, and with the encouragement of a class I was required to take for my degree, I set up a website and listed bowls and plates to try and sell as an alternative to delivering pizza.

I really thought that was going to be better since I'd be working in my shop doing something I enjoyed. To try and make money from that though really took a toll on my mental health. The doubt that crept in, thinking that what I had to offer wasn't good enough, or that there weren't people out there that would appreciate these wares became almost overwhelming.

During that same time period I had a friend list 110 bowls and charcuterie boards which all sold out in less than 12 hours which made him nearly $8,000. I know because I added them all up because the self doubt was extra strong that day.

When a neighbor bought three bowls, I told myself it was only because he could see I was struggling and it was out of pity, rather than because he actually liked them.

It got closer to the "now or never" moment to plan for our trip and I didn't have much money to show for the hours at dominos or working on bowls to sell.

I saw how hard my friend had worked to engage on instagram and could see others grinding away at craft fares and other things to get an audience and while I wanted to consider it my self esteem couldn't handle the very strong possibility that it wouldn't help and I'd be out the money without any meaningful benefit to my goal. At this point I've barely broken even on the website fee and the money I spent to try and get a business licence (in vain) from the city.

I'm the end I gave a few away to good friends and sold a few more to a couple different people. I started turning bowls because I wanted a way to relax and make something with my hands. I didn't start it to make all the money. I'm feeling a bit better today about the whole trying to start a business escapade but k ow I need to stick to my initial intention to mostly give them away. I'll still have some listed I think but I can't focus on trying to sell them. I can't allow myself to equate my self worth based on how many people have gone to my website this month and how many orders I've gotten.

We plan to go to Disneyland in February but like a real American families, a lot of it has gone on a credit card. We toned down the amount of presents for the boys, and each other, as we work towards the trip and will have to continue to tighten the belt afterwards as well.

I'm feeling better today, mentally, than I have for a while. I have a good family that loves me for me and that means a lot. I also appreciate you guys that are willing to be vulnerable and share in this way. I have a friend whose dad committed suicide when he was young that I think about a lot. Especially when things are tough like they have been.

Anyway, I wish you a merry Christmas and a healthy new year.
Click to expand...
Share your website with your work!
 
nnnnnate

nnnnnate

Well-Known Member
Supporting Member
Location
WVC, UT
So I had typed this up a couple times over the last few months but didn't want to post it because it sounded to whiney and "poor me." That's not what I'm going for and it isn't the point of all this.

I decided that today I could share how difficult the process has been for me because Christmas buying is over and I'm feeling like I'm in a good place. I have a few things on my website but not very many. I’ve got more to finish, and will in the coming weeks, but it’s not a huge priority for me. I’ve got some other things I want to noodle around with in the garage.

Kevin shared it already but my website is nathanroperwoodworks.com. Ive got an instagram account for it as well that I add pictures to more frequently.
 
P

Pike2350

Registered User
Location
Salt Lake City
nnnnnate said:
I've struggled a lot this year with low self esteem and depression. I mentioned in the spring that we wanted to take our boys to Disneyland in 2024 and to try and make that a possibility I worked at dominos delivering pizzas. As the summer got warm, the car I was delivering in doesn't have AC so I stopped until things cooled down. During that time, and with the encouragement of a class I was required to take for my degree, I set up a website and listed bowls and plates to try and sell as an alternative to delivering pizza.

I really thought that was going to be better since I'd be working in my shop doing something I enjoyed. To try and make money from that though really took a toll on my mental health. The doubt that crept in, thinking that what I had to offer wasn't good enough, or that there weren't people out there that would appreciate these wares became almost overwhelming.

During that same time period I had a friend list 110 bowls and charcuterie boards which all sold out in less than 12 hours which made him nearly $8,000. I know because I added them all up because the self doubt was extra strong that day.

When a neighbor bought three bowls, I told myself it was only because he could see I was struggling and it was out of pity, rather than because he actually liked them.

It got closer to the "now or never" moment to plan for our trip and I didn't have much money to show for the hours at dominos or working on bowls to sell.

I saw how hard my friend had worked to engage on instagram and could see others grinding away at craft fares and other things to get an audience and while I wanted to consider it my self esteem couldn't handle the very strong possibility that it wouldn't help and I'd be out the money without any meaningful benefit to my goal. At this point I've barely broken even on the website fee and the money I spent to try and get a business licence (in vain) from the city.

I'm the end I gave a few away to good friends and sold a few more to a couple different people. I started turning bowls because I wanted a way to relax and make something with my hands. I didn't start it to make all the money. I'm feeling a bit better today about the whole trying to start a business escapade but k ow I need to stick to my initial intention to mostly give them away. I'll still have some listed I think but I can't focus on trying to sell them. I can't allow myself to equate my self worth based on how many people have gone to my website this month and how many orders I've gotten.

We plan to go to Disneyland in February but like a real American families, a lot of it has gone on a credit card. We toned down the amount of presents for the boys, and each other, as we work towards the trip and will have to continue to tighten the belt afterwards as well.

I'm feeling better today, mentally, than I have for a while. I have a good family that loves me for me and that means a lot. I also appreciate you guys that are willing to be vulnerable and share in this way. I have a friend whose dad committed suicide when he was young that I think about a lot. Especially when things are tough like they have been.

Anyway, I wish you a merry Christmas and a healthy new year.
Click to expand...
Thanks for sharing. I am in a very similar with my handyman side business that I keep thinking about starting. I can't being myself to do it because I am scared people won't hire me and that thought scares me most. The other thought is that they will but I that I don't think high enough of myself and work to charge what I am worth and will actually lose money. I am too scared to start for fear of not being good enough. Not too mention that I question my skills and think if it isn't perfect everyone will know and judge.me and think less of me.

It has helped that work as been ridiculously busy the past few months and I have had no real time to even entertain side work. That has brought on other fears when I start to consider looking for a new job......"am I really qualified for the title I have?" "I don't warrant more money because I don't know what I am doing" etc. Etc.


Hang in there. Losing both parents last year (right before last Christmas for my mom too) it has been hard. Feeling a little more "lost at sea".

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, you aren't alone. Hang in there...your bowls are rad. Maybe when the kitchen addition is done I will be able to buy one.
Merry Christmas everyone.
 
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