Lame Joke Thread

[bryson]

 

[Kevin B.]

Science jokes make me numb.

Math jokes make me number.

 

[jeeper]

I accidentally let my camera record my shoes for 10 minutes.


It's ok though. I got some great footage.




My neighbor has been too scared to grow a fruit tree.

I told him to grow a pair.

 

[bryson]

Why does a duck have tail feathers?



To cover it's butt quack.

 

[glockman]

What do Cows and strippers have in common?

They don't do much until you tip them.

 

[Rot Box]

What does a panda fry its bamboo in?!














A pan-duh!


Groan….

 

[Thursty]

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell maple syrup!"
Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell maple syrup!"
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles and whined, "The only thing I smell is molasses!"

 

[Kevin B.]

So the other day I saw an advertisement for a kids book about Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog getting together and going on an adventure. I went to the library and asked the lady at the counter if they had it. She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

 

[rholbrook]

I joined a nudist colony. It was hard for the first week.

 

[jeeper]

I joined a nudist colony. It was hard for the first week.

At your age? Doubt it.

 

[glockman]

At your age? Doubt it.

It would be a lame joke if I can't get any more stiffies at Russ's age. It's closer for some of us @jeeper

 

[rholbrook]

It would be a lame joke if I can't get any more stiffies at Russ's age. It's closer for some of us @jeeper

The problem is not about age, the problem is coaxing the recipient to join in.

 

[glockman]

The problem is not about age, the problem is coaxing the recipient to join in.

I married well, I don't have that problem. Others, many others, but not that one.

 

[glockman]

Did you hear about the guy that got kicked out of Hobby Lobby for dipping his testicles in the glitter?

Pretty nuts huh.

 

[UNSTUCK]

Operator: "Good morning. May I please have your name?"

Random Guy: "M...M...M...M...Mike Smith."

Operator: "Oh, you have a stutter. I'm so sorry."

Random Guy: "No. My father has a stutter and the guy who filled out my birth certificate is an asshole."

 

[Kevin B.]

What's the difference between a ruble and a dollar?

A dollar.

 

[Spork]

I read WD-40 gets rid of mice. Tried it out, didn't get rid of the mice, but no more squeeks.

 

[Kevin B.]

My wife told me that pi day isn't real and it doesn't mean that we HAVE to go get pie.

I told her to stop being irrational.

 

[Spork]

This morning I read that humans actually eat more bananas than monkeys. That totally makes sense, I eat 4-5 bananas a week, and I’ve never eaten a monkey.

 

[glockman]

What do you get if you put your hand in a blender?



A Hand Shake